One of the most under-appreciated aspects of 2020, as far as I can tell, is how basically every single person - regardless of background, interests, circumstances, whatever - had to kinda come to grips with accepting how full of fuckery life can be... And how absolutely not special most of our individual complaints actually are....
"i had a meltdown in 2020" me too, mr snowman. me too haha
Which weirdly, to me at least, was kinda liberating. Like, "Oh your life sucks too?? Cuz I feel so bohemian like you...."
a very covid christmas, and a picture that would have made exactly zero sense 10 yrs ago...
"We're all in this together, alone" haha. And the holidays kinda drove that home, I think.
christmas eve and STILL ON GRASS WAT?!?
Baltimore City is under a fresh set of restrictions, but.... It's not that scary this time around. We know what's up, we know what we have to do, AND we know how this story ends now. So we carry on.
just look at all that gras--- wait, what the fuck
Which, obvi is much easier this time around since it's just the City under new orders. My barn out in the county continues to operate under the same policies as this summer (masks in the barn; closed during feeding shifts).
"excuse me, waiter, this is not what i ordered"
Which means Charlie and I still got in some excellent relaxing rides (between fun jumping adventures) to close out the year.
what bird's feather? eagle or owl?? or something else???
And I gotta say -- Charlie is living his best life right now. He looks like a glossy plump Thanksgiving Day Turkey under all the various layers and liners I keep dressing him up in. Aided no doubt by the fact that his herd is still on grass.
lol and another one, this time a doe...
I guess they did some construction in this field over the past year that meant no horses have been turned out at all on it, so the grass was basically pristine and lush and still growing through our mild fall weather.
clearly not concerned
With recent rain and ice, tho, the grass is just about totally dead by this point, so they'll probably switch to a round bale soon enough rather than risk destroying the field for next year. Tho obvi the round bale has it's own problems ..... more churned up mud with horses packed more densely together (ie more bites etc). So it's all a balancing act I guess.
who would be with all that GRASS THO OMG
Still tho, Charlie's never been out on pasture this late in the year at this farm, so I was moderately taken aback when I discovered two deer carcasses out there lol. They appear to have been cleaned and dumped, presumably by one of the family members who lives on the property???
#strollin
I'd spotted a bald eagle a few times out in the field -- something that's kinda unusual since we have a pair of nesting hawks that have lived on the farm forever. I guess the eagle was just there for the deer tho?? Idk haha....
It's kinda gross tbh but the horses don't seem to mind. And they're not turned out overnight plus we don't exactly have many natural 4-legged predators in the mainly residential area. So it's probably just the birds (and maybe local dogs ew) scavenging off the bones....
DIY shims doing great!
Anyway, tho, it was so so so nice to get out for so many daytime rides during my little stay-cation between x-mas and nye. Deer carcasses be damned, haha.
footing removed from the indoor!!!
We obvi didn't go into the woods, much, tho -- considering this city slicker is absolutely ignorant about when hunting season begins and ends, but is very very averse to the idea of getting sprayed with buckshot haha.
not goin anywhere in particular but enjoying the ride anyway <3
I'm still very much in the "Given Up" phase of our dressage work tho (sorta, kinda.... am sorta kinda doing some pseudo dressage as part of our conditioning work that I'll probably talk about later) so our rides have basically been all about finding some balance.
hi sheep!
Meaning: get enough movement and mileage in to feel physically good -- loose fit and fierce! -- for our schooling adventures. Some light trot and canter sets. Cavaletti and ground poles. And.... Strollin. Lots and LOTS of strollin the farm haha.
hi pony!
Seems like a pretty fitting way to close out an unexpectedly quiet year, and ring in something that'll be undoubtedly new and different -- even if in ways we can't really predict yet.
hello fishies!
I'm not at all sure what I want from 2021 yet. Like.... Not even close haha.
Except... One thing is clear: I don't want to get all bent out of shape about the small stuff. Or... make any crazy impulsive changes under the false impression that "this'll fix everything!" haha, if that makes sense.
So.... We stroll. And stay ready haha. And we'll see what happens!
Lest she be forgotten, Isabel is still the leading lady around these parts. It just... doesn't really seem like it, does it. Oops.
I've written it out fairly explicitly already, but mostly in passing rather than as a main point. The gist is: Isabel is on vacation this month. I'm traveling and only putting in 1-2 weekly rides on any horse, let alone on Isabel. That's not really enough to justify putting her through the rigors of an intense lesson in 90* temperatures.
coolin down with a mouthful of greenery
The way it basically went down was, the last couple rides after our fantastic Stephen Birchall clinic last month were fractious and not enjoyable even in the slightest. Taken individually, there's nothing particularly meaningful there. I didn't ride super well, Isabel didn't give anything away. Ya know. Typical incremental steps towards something that will one day be nice.
bambi!!!
Except. We had been having an awful lot of not nice lately, and the balance had tipped too far into the negative. So much so that I preferred not riding seriously at all. And so. We haven't schooled seriously since.
Nbd, tho, right? It's not like she's going to forget anything.
see the baby?
For all of July, we have only gone on trails. Or. Ya know. Done nothing at all. Doesn't really matter. And that's a pretty liberating feeling. The mare came out on that awesome paper chase in Fair Hill, then went feral and completely neglected for a couple weeks until I pulled her out for another quick trail ride last weekend.
"we're still friends tho, right?" - isabel
I think she legitimately was happy for the attention too - happy to get curried, and happy to do carrot stretches (obvi lol), and happy to wear the snackamore again and go out for a tasting tour of the woods.
good mare
I'm sure she would be equally happy to go back to work too. And maybe we will go there again next month. I'm frankly not too concerned about putting a timeline on it.
so hot out that the barn swallows actually sat still enough to get photographed
It just feels like a good moment for a rest, ya know? It's so hot out. And (not to beat the same drum again and again) I'm just not currently able to keep a horse in full work. Add in the fact that the arena at Isabel's barn is in a condition that I deem unrideable... and. Well. All signs point to not bothering with it for now.
hot cat is hot
Especially when I'm frankly enjoying riding other random horses so much. It's been SO LONG since I've been able to ride different things regularly and I'm REALLY enjoying it!
totally zonked
Plus, as has been made readily apparent by every one of them - there's sufficient work that needs doing on my own ride, without worrying deeply about the horse itself. So we'll see what happens. I'm not ending my lease on Isabel any time soon but I'm also open to playing the field.
Have you ever taken a little vacation from your horse? Sent it out to pasture for a season while you focus on other things? Did it work out for you and were you happy to get back to the horse and a routine? Or.... no?
Because yesterday's post was a little sad (thank you everyone for such supportive comments!!), here's something different and more lighthearted - a quick compilation of some of the little things that have made me happy lately.
Like giggling at the idea that Isabel must certainly be part goat, considering she stands like this alllllll the time haha.
Or appreciating just how well our initial investment in installing the 'self load' button on Isabel and Wick has paid off. Both horses got two lessons from a local pro (and LOTS of practice) before we ever started hauling them anywhere. And we've grown increasingly grateful for that preliminary work, as the horses are just so EASY to handle around the trailer now.
Case in point: this quick 30second video of them self loading in perfect synchronized unity. Because c'mon, how stinkin cute is that?
Or torturing the poor mare with our awesome (and HUGE) MCTA year-end award ribbons. Lol. Seriously tho, these ribbons are so pretty! MCTA really does a nice job making their members feel like winners. Pretty much everyone who submits their year-end points gets a prize. Sweet, right?
And the accompanying swag was pretty nice too - an embroidered white dressage pad, a small logo bucket, and saddle soap and weather-proofing balm for leather. Plus extra sponges. Not bad!
Also, Isabel happened to be in a particularly stretchy mood on this day - notice how she reached out with her forelegs to stretch down like a cat? She must have done that at least 6-7 times from when I grabbed her in the pasture to getting tacked up. It was a little odd, honestly, but she seemed to be feeling good and enjoying the stretch, so I guess it's nbd?
Especially since our plan for the day was trail riding anyway, as part of our holistic "get Isabel back in shape" plan. She's doing so so SO well, especially mentally. Just gotta work on that fitness tho, so bring on the hill work!
See the buck?!?
It was a beautiful weekend here - a little wet but generally balmy temperatures. And we managed to sneak out for a group ride in between rain storms. Tho you can see by the stream crossings that the water was a little faster than usual.
Still, tho, how pretty is this?!? And to think that exactly one year ago from this date, it was a snowy 15* day that marked the first time we hauled Wick out for a lesson at OF. Crazy how much has changed in a year (and I don't just mean the weather lol).
So yea, lots of positive stuff to be happy about around here. Especially when it comes to enjoying the last few days of mild temperatures, as it appears that Winter is Coming.
Last week I mentioned the growing pains of moving up: namely, that our mistakes and oopsie moments are amplified as the stakes get (quite literally) higher. Since it's seemingly a recurring theme, I want to address it as its own topic, rather than just as a lesson recap side note.
can't have a post without media tho, so enjoy these pics from a recent trail ride
For context, our current schooling level (low tho it may be) is uncharted territory for me. Getting back to 2'6" didn't truly constitute 'moving up' in my book - rather it was more like knocking the rust off existing skills (I showed 2'6" through college). But our lessons of today are officially beyond my ken. All shiny and brand new, ya know? Exciting with a tinge of uncertainty.
And that uncertainty is what bleeds through in many of my lesson recap posts.
Kristen suggested a leather curb strap instead of the chain... seemed like a great idea and i improvised with a sheepskin cover to test it out. verdict? mare was less reactive to the chain but the brakes still work. score!
So what is that uncertainty? Why does it exist and what does it mean?
For me, right now, the uncertainty might be about executing a challenging exercise correctly. Or whether I can develop the feel for the perfect canter.
Figuring out why it exists is the easy part. Crashing through rails, refusing fences, botching distances - that all introduces uncertainty: Can I get it right next time? Can I fix it?
this is izzy's idea of paradise
The amplification factor comes in as the complexity increases. A flat canter or a horse that's stuck behind my leg might lead to very different outcomes if the fence is 2', 2'6", 3', solid, wide, spooky, on a down hill approach, etc etc.
So all these nasty little habits that I've allowed to perpetuate and become ingrained are now suddenly impeding our progress. Letting Isabel drift off her line in the last stride or two to a fence has morphed from plain old 'sloppy riding' to a missed distance at a novice xc fence. (Which sure, a missed distance at novice might be nbd for many riders and horses out there... but it has the potential to create quite the hairy moment for us right now).
we're comin for you, bambi!
Meaning, as I manage the uncertainty in myself, I'm also thinking about the implications for Isabel. This puts us into 'trust bank' territory, a concept Nicole wrote about this spring. Basically, she defined the trust bank as the "the balance of trust between you and your horse."
Mindy from That Horse Force wrote about a similar concept, which she referred to as the 'margin of error.' Specifically, she noted that her margin of error with Leo was larger at training level than at prelim, and that a mistake at prelim could mean more disastrous outcomes.
Basically, the smaller margin of error means I have a greater responsibility to get it right as a rider to avoid crossing that line wherein the 'balance of trust' dips into the red.
seriously, you better run!! lol
But what does all this mean for me? The thing is, I generally see the uncertainty as a GOOD thing. An encouraging thing. And I see value in acknowledging it (obvi - otherwise I wouldn't be here droning on about it haha).
Lessons are challenging. They're supposed to be challenging. If it isn't hard, am I actually learning? If I already know the answers to the questions, why take the lesson? Getting the answers right or floating flawlessly over a jump feels incredible, sure - that's really a huge part of why I do all this in the first place. But that's not how I grow.
In a nutshell, I believe progress is not comfortable. That with the right attitude (as described by Lauren), bad rides can be very good things. Any opportunity to identify and fix training holes can only be positive.
sometimes the view straight up is just as good or better than looking around
That sounds kinda preachy tho... and really, when I'm circling in the arena while my trainer resets the jump I just demolished... well, maintaining that rosy outlook is admittedly pretty difficult.
Which is just one more reason I love having this blog. Because thanks to technology and my insatiable need for documentation, I can watch this video from a rough lesson a couple weeks ago and look beyond the missed distances and knocked rails and refusal to see her canter (esp that first 10 seconds).
And compare it to her canter in this video from a lesson last fall that I held as the standard for our 'A game' for a long time.
Or I can watch the helmet cam video from last weekend's epic xc schooling, noting Isabel's forward and balanced rhythm and game attitude.
And reminisce about one of our earliest schooling outings in this video. That was a confidence inspiring and very happy ride. Yet Isabel is an entirely different creature from what she is today.
To me, this all boils down to our mutual education. Our lessons are very often not pretty at all. Sometimes they're ugly. But they're changing our shape, changing the entire picture, really.
mare is torn between begging for more treats or booking it down to her friends and the grass
It's super easy to let bad rides or big mistakes weigh us down and sap our motivation. But I'm determined to move beyond the 'good fence / bad fence' mentality and focus on the parameters (as per DOC). What decisions am I making that work? Don't work? How did I achieve that canter, or correct that imbalance? How can I reproduce those good moments? Can I fix it?
The answer isn't always clear, but that's ok. It's just part of the process.
Because my phone is filling up with random barn related images that don't really have any other home, might as well stick them all here. Enjoy this random assortment!
Bali takes a look at the lattice. He and S would become the first to jump my beauteous creation - and jumped it very well at that!
the deer at our farm are way too bold. they hang out around us allllll the time. one even came trotting up behind us on a trail ride the other day, ears pricked, much like this little doe.
seriously. it's kinda ridiculous (re-doe-culous?). i was in the middle of turning horses out (and actually was holding wick at this precise moment) but had to pause to catch the magic
chesney says 'silly deer, what is you doing? you aren't horses!'
we had a schooling CT at our farm on sunday and isabel got a little confused when i went out to put on her fly mask and muzzle
she saw all the buzzing activity and knew something was up.
and actually followed me all the way from the run in to the gate - like, 'i see things are happening here, people and horses are doing things. we do things yes, so we do this thing too?'
poor girl. i felt terrible just leaving her there, and actually really wished we were riding in the CT too (tho there will be other opportunities later this summer) - but no, instead we were just going to a plain old lesson later in the day. booooooring haha
hanging out at the show after finishing the chores but before my lesson was really pretty cool tho and i sat in the dressage judge's tent listening to her commentary. this was the same judge from isabel's and my first ever dressage tests (here and here), and also who would've let me catch ride one of her horses when isabel came up sick before our first planned loch moy outing.
this was a schooling show, yes, and the judge was kind enough not to eliminate a couple riders who jumped the rail (she just gave them errors) - but she was also not afraid to throw out LOTS of 3s and 4s. every single free walk i saw earned a 3.5 bc none exhibited the stretch down and forward. i later learned that the lowest score of the day was a 39, with most ranging in the mid-40s to low-50s. she's a great judge tho and hopped up to give feedback to each and every rider - and in a super friendly and positive manner.
plus i was super proud of how our little arena cleaned up. this was the first year we had stadium in the arena and dressage out on grass, vs the other way around, and i think it worked out better. the dressage ring wasn't perfectly flat... but the jumping was definitely safer in the ring.
and obvi i was tickled to see they used my lattice gate (it went on the furthest right end jump) in the courses 2' and above! plus it apparently didn't cause a lot of issues and rode like a fair question. yay for fun jumps!
