the seventh rabbit

It was our first big exciting weekend in Dooz Land in a couple months now — for two main reasons!

1. We had our first riding lesson since Doozy’s accident, and 

2. It was in a clinic with another 5* eventer whom I’ve admired for a long time now!

pretty biscuit, lookin serene <3

So sure sure, it may seem a bit silly to take a rehabbing horse to a big ticket clinic with someone so accomplished… Especially when that rehabbing horse is basically a wild animal incapable of simply… just… trotting a circle. 

But, eh, I have my reasons and am glad we did it!

also looking like a friggin tank, like a whole ass brick house LOL

So, let’s get into it! Tho a quick note — I have like zero media from the lesson itself, tho basically a couple week’s worth of random snapshots from our day to day horsey activities. So the pictures are only semi related, and basically in chronological order to capture more or less Doozy’s rehab progression.

hackin in our fly boots with our favorite unicorn friends

Anyway. Former West Coast eventer Matt Brown relocated with his wife to the East Coast a few years ago. That name might sound familiar to long time blog readers bc I’ve referenced him a fair amount as it relates to goal setting and mental health. His essays were instrumental in helping me reframe my overall horsey goals, pursuits and experiences to prioritize fulfillment from the process itself, rather than any specific outcome.

He’s also just, ya know, a pretty impressive rider with substantial credentials and accomplishments, nbd. 

quick fangirl video i took a few years ago

So when a drop dead gorgeous farm like 20min from home announced the clinic, honestly it felt like a no-brainer. Doozy’s rehab is progressing day by day, she’s remained extremely sound and consistent… plus it’s not like there isn’t plenty of low hanging fruit for us to work on at the extreme basics. It IS US, after all.

ooooh finally tried on the replacement bridle

And real talk… when I say the “rehab is progressing,” I mean that in only the barest bones terms. As in, the horse continues to exist each day, and remains sound with the leg looking good even as we layer in more intervals of trot and even a (very) little canter. The quality of that work, tho? Well… It has not been great. 

doozy attempting to go nuclear while i try to just trot a long side a few weeks ago
(pic not from lesson but representative of Ms Thing having a bit of a hair trigger lately)

The tension and explosiveness have been unrelenting. Especially paired with my insecurities about setting her back in her recovery, it’s meant for maybe slower going than would otherwise be prescribed. And Doozy hates slow going LOL.

aaaaand back to peaceful serene tack pictures LOL! this bridle is almost the same as the one she exploded, except for the noseband design… i think i liked the last style better, but c’est la vie! maybe it’ll grown on me…

One of the trickiest aspects for me in trying to learn how to cope with and manage Doozy’s tension is that everybody has their own method, their own approach. We’ve tried a lot of different tactics and techniques over the years, and I worry sometimes about being too scattered or inconsistent — not giving any one technique enough time to actually work for the horse before shifting to trying some other way. 

we’ve been wearing mostly dressage tack lately anyway

But meanwhile, the issues persist and we’ve absolutely fallen into some hardwired patterns, routines and codependencies at this point. In other words, the tension is more or less baked in. 

In a strange way, tho, being relegated to rehab gives us a new chance, a new opportunity to confront the issue.

lots of walkies in the paddock next to the arena, since it has lovely afternoon shade

So we arrived at the clinic a little sheepishly in our dressage tack (pretty sure we were the only flat riders of the day), and I was blunt with Matt: Our flat work is basically unhinged, I don’t have an answer for the tension, and we’ve been at it long enough to have developed all manner of bad habits and escalation triggers in each other. But she’s a good horse and a nice person.

lots of walkies inside the arena too — including during lessons when there are dust ghosts omg

And Matt picked up immediately that a lot of Doozy’s anxiety is rooted in being an overachiever. She wants to understand, she wants to be right, she knows something is going to happen, so let’s make it happen right now! Add in her absurd untiring athleticism and… yea. It’s a lot LOL.

seems like it should be pleasant and relaxing, no?

He started us at the walk, reins at the buckle, asking me to sit deep and really feel her hind end footfalls. Trying to really plug me in seat first, helping Doozy find her fluid slinky walk with neck long and low, but not curled.

“you and i have different views on what’s considered ‘pleasant’” — doozy, probably

When I picked up the reins, it was with the intention to find contact without changing Doozy’s neck posture (long, level or low, not curled), with following arms and elbows. If we lost any of that — if Doozy got choppy or tense — I was to release back to the buckle and restart.

{*insert jaws theme song here*}

Eventually, once I could maintain a contact on the reins — not like, having Doozy in a frame necessarily, just a feel of the contact while she maintained a long forward self carriage — we started working the trot on a circle. Which, real talk, actually meant exploding immediately into porpoise canter exactly as she did when I first got her, like the last 3 years of schooling and training never happened hahaha(sob).

tacking + grooming in the main aisle these days instead of the grooming bays bc apparently being in everybody’s way is less spooky to the doozy

This is where Matt’s technique diverged substantially from other lessons we’ve had. Almost every single major professional who has seen Doozy has insisted that in the moments when she wants to explode forward, breaking gait or spooling out, I should immediately bring her back. 

Matt, however, instead had me let her carry on — don’t try to stop her — but guide her onto increasingly smaller circles until she starts to think that maybe trotting would be better. Which, for Doozy and her freakish balance, is a pretty small circle.

omg stop the presses — it’s doozy out in public again for the first time in months!!

But the idea was to not fight, not get into her face with the contact — not even let the contact itself be a major part of the conversation. He wanted me to avoid micromanaging, avoid telling Doozy exactly what to do, and instead think more along the lines of guiding her to a place where she could make the right choice herself.

for as challenging as this horse is for me, it’s nice to know that she’s become very good at some things!

And this pattern basically became our whole session. Doozy would explode into porpoise mode, I’d refrain from immediately clutching at her, and instead guide her onto smaller circles until she found her own soft balance. 

Then, let the circle expand slightly until she lost it again, then bring it back in. Expansion, contraction, usually just quarters of the circle at a time, sorta a breathing in and out.

“that wasn’t me, that was some other red horse” — sweet doozy, butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth

And believe it or not, we actually achieved some pretty great moments of both trot and canter using this technique. Which, shouldn’t be too hard to believe bc Doozy HAS had extensive schooling and is a lovely mover LOL. But ya know how it is…

Basically Matt’s whole thing was to help Doozy be a little more accountable for her own self regulation, a little more responsible for her choices. She wants / needs me to be there for her, but it can’t be micromanaging or trying to shut her down.

oh lady… it doesn’t have to be so hard!

And he told a little story about the seven rabbits — a horse who on a trail ride encountered a rabbit but didn’t spook. Then saw another rabbit, but still didn’t spook. Rabbit after rabbit, the horse was fine. Finally, tho, after the seventh rabbit darted in front of him, he shied away and unraveled. And the rider was perplexed bc clearly the horse had demonstrated that he’s not actually afraid of rabbits. But the lesson is that a horse’s capacity for bravery isn’t infinite, they can only take so many rabbits. 

To Matt, Doozy is basically always on that edge — she’s like a Zero Rabbits kinda horse, even when she seems calm she’s only ever one little bunny hop away from a big reaction (hey, kinda like how she hurt herself in the first place!).

Which, ya know… #accurate lol… So we’ll see. We’ll practice this new method and approach, see where it gets us. At this rate I’d settled for even just like one more rabbit, please!! 

 

click beetles + boat houses + trot steps, oh my!

Well the festivities have finally concluded for MDCTA’s annual recognized event, and follow on unrecognized Jenny Camp Horse Trial. But just because the party’s over doesn’t mean the fun stops, amirite?

these boat houses are some of my favorite jumps at all levels — charlie jumped this T one a couple times, like in 2019. they definitely deserve some TLC and fresh paint!

There was still jump painting going on right up through the day before the starter trial, and in fact a couple more got done afterward too. It’s so much easier to get them painted nicely when they’re out in the field vs stacked up in storage, ya know? And some of them were pretty desperate for attention…

taking the club into the digital age with an actual database for the jumps, complete with printable reports!

I’m not the world’s best jump painter, tbh — I’m a little too fast and sloppy and not as disciplined about the scraping and prepping as some others… But I *am* good at compiling, cataloging, and recording information into usable data and shared information hubs. So I finally took pictures of everything and made a digital jump inventory!

this N version of the boat house used to live at our last boarding barn, and charlie and i jumped it literally zillions of times, memorably that one time we actually won an event

From my experience as a volunteer, storing and sharing information centrally is so much more efficient than having everything residing inside key individuals’ heads. Not that there’s anything wrong with key individuals who generally know all the things, but… ya know. Being ‘key’ and all that, they’re typically busy and doing a million things. Much easier to just have a list.

and here’s the legendary USEA VIP original gold medalist volunteer Sue, painting yet another of the boat houses, this time the P version!

That way, when some of the country’s most amazing volunteers show up ready and eager to beautify our precious jumps, everything is ready to go for them! And voila! More jumps get painted, less time is wasted tracking down busy bees, and everyone is happy! By my count, something like 17 jumps total got painted for this event!! Amazing!

the club receives grants for introducing new groups to eventing — here’s a set of actual small children, apparently accomplished steeplechase riders, warming their race horses up before schooling xc

The schooling week in between horse trials is always a big hit too. I don’t know the final numbers on how many folks came through, but it was a LOT. Such a great resource for the local community to have full competition courses available to school so close to home! 

what goes up must eventually come down: unflagging is the least sexy task

I’d personally love to see the club offer more events at Shawan Downs throughout the calendar year. It’s apparently more feasible than I dared hope… but ya know. It’s a LOT of work, especially for a skeleton crew of board members and volunteers, almost all of whom are either retired or working full time jobs on top of, ya know, having lives and stuff.

new flexible pipe flag attachments recommended by the xc builder were a solid win!

But there are some ideas bumping around. Including opportunities to streamline some of the fussier tasks and chores — like this new method for flagging the fences, recommended by the cross country builder. Sure, it takes a little time to install each tube, but once it’s set, the flags go in and out, no muss no fuss, no friggin zip ties, AND — this style counts as frangible for narrow jumps and corners!

Only trick is to buy the right type of tubing, bc the really flexible stuff will completely relax and lose its shape once you cut it open. Ahem. Cough cough. Ask me how I know….

everyone knows hypothetically about staking jumps… but few spend much time thinking about unstaking jumps… blergh, 2 stakes + ~4 screws per fence x ~100 fences…

Anyway, tho, for many tasks, there really are no shortcuts. Like staking the fences. Sure sure, plenty of facilities out there get away with leaving jumps unstaked. And sure, plenty of oopsie rolled fences don’t result in major accidents — like that time Charlie and I rolled a house at Windurra. 

it’s a fun way to get intimate with the local bugs — meet the Click Beetle,
a gigantic native bug i’ve somehow gone my entire life without ever seeing before

Buuuuuuut…. when there ARE accidents, they can be legitimately catastrophic and fatal for everybody. Thanks but… no thanks. The few hours spent staking and unstaking is cheap insurance, as far as this club is concerned. It’s just hours that need to be accounted for in planning any additional events.

if bugs aren’t your thing, here’s cats instead, in a very good box

The neat thing about accounting for hours, tho, is that it’s all just numbers at the end of the day. If you know what things need to get done, and how long* those things take to do, it’s just a matter of assigning tasks, budgeting for paid professionals where feasible, and working backwards from a date, right? In theory??

(*And I mean the REAL time things take — like including the 20 minutes spent looking for the drill bit you dropped in the grass, or the extra trips to the hardware store bc you bought the wrong material — not the ‘aspirational’ guesstimates LOL)

anyway tho. doozy. she’s still a weirdo LOL

Well. In theory, all things are possible LOL! Like, maybe in theory, if the club decides to host a fall event at Shawan, mayyyyyybe Doozy will be fully rehabbed by then? 

and we’re still tack walking with friends!!

I still honestly don’t really have a sense of timeline for that, and am trying not to set any expectations, consciously or unconsciously, even as I may or may not be trying to manifest opportunities LOL.

do we look happy? <3 <3 <3

But we’ve been tack walking for a couple weeks now, and have started introducing little bits of trot, one long side of the arena at a time. Well. Ahem. And the occasional accidental canter step, bc Doozy is who she is. 

ain’t a bad way to spend an evening!

The mare feels like a million dollars tho… A million feral dollars LOL, especially compared to all those nice obedient well-schooled dressage horses I’ve been taking lessons on haha. Like. Doozy, some horses just ya know, do the thing without all those feelings and opinions!

oooooooh but the rehab continues!!!!
(not pictured: lots of feelings and opinions! oooh, or cohesive color coordinated outfit choices LOL #dontjudge #allthebluesatonce #andalittlegreentoo)

I have this beautiful fantasy that perhaps we can use this rehab period to maybe polish over some of those little rough spots in our schooling… Ya know, like, if we have to be walking and doing lots of transitions bc we’re only doing littles bits of trot at a time… might as well make the practice count, right? 

Seems like a nice idea LOL, we’ll see how it turns out in the real world tho. As long as we come out the other end with a happy sound horse ready to go run and jump again, I’ll be happy regardless!

So… yea. Lots of wishful thinking going on at the moment — hoping and wishing for more fun club stuff, and hopefully a happy sound horse to do the things with! Now that the club stuff is wrapping for the spring, it’s time to get serious about that other part!

schooling with the masters

I’ve continued along with my bi-weekly dressage lessons with Trainer C, and have since had two more lessons with her homebred Shep. 

This horse is such a character — will apparently eat literally anything, including rubber feed pans, blanket buckles, and even his own brushing boots, right off his legs. But he’s a massive sweetie, and insanely generous under saddle.

Shep has an extremely sweet face <3

I believe he’s schooled most of the way through 3rd level, minus the changes, and is confirmed enough in all the things to basically carry my ignorant ass through some pretty cool movements — most of which have been firsts for me. 

he’s also prettttttty fancy

For example, in our lesson a few weeks ago, we rode proper dressage-y walk pirouettes, which was interesting bc I’d literally just scribed a couple 2nd level tests the weekend prior and that’s one of those ‘make or break’ movements in the tests, it seems. 

And, we practiced the three loop canter serpentines, with canter-walk-canter simple changes of lead over center line. It was somewhat hilarious too, bc while Charlie was a walk-canter savant, we never quite perfected the canter-walk. 

forgot to bring my tall boots home with me from the barn, and felt underdressed riding such a nice boy in just my country boots!

So when Shep just like… walked, immediately, my brain straight up buffered for a second like, uh, now what? At which point Shep sorta nudged me, as if to say, “Psst — it’s time to canter again!” And then struck off on the new lead, ready to repeat again for the next loop. Wild stuff, guys LOL. 

holy crap, emma’s riding a half pass!

In this most recent lesson — from which trainer C actually nabbed some trot work on video, omg! — we practiced more lateral stuff, including leg yields (familiar territory), but also half pass, a first for me. 

Obvi I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t really walk and chew gum at the same time, and that’s a bit of what riding these movements feels like to me. And it’s clear to see in the video that our angles are a little wobbly, change of bend a little rough, rider position slightly wonky haha. 

look ma, we did it again!

But we did it!! Possibly bc Shep just knows the drill, knows the routine, might even be literally voice trained (lol), what a good boy!

We also did some shoulder in — something that actually I did work on with both Isabel and Charlie, and that Doozy has edged toward with simpler exercises like shoulder fore etc. But obvi Shep is a bit, er, next level in his schooling compared to my animals haha, and it was really cool getting the right feeling. 

literally no idea what i’m doing but there Shep goes in a shoulder in!

Bc naturally, being such a good and generous horse, he was willing to humor me even in my muddled and nonsensical aids, which occasionally directed him to just drift wildly away from the wall, or happily cruise around with his haunches on a completely different track, bc that’s what his pilot said* to do! (*unintentionally, oops haha). 

SI the other way too

Not on video but part of the lesson was a bit more canter work, particularly with a little collection and counter canter. I’m actually sad to not have video too bc it personally felt really informative for me. Like, both Charlie and Doozy have (had, in Charlie’s case, sob) quite nice canters naturally. Our issues in that gait aren’t for lack of talent on their part. 

With Shep, I needed to think about not driving so much, letting him maintain his own canter, and even trying to collect and contain it a bit — but with my thighs, not hands. Bc tightening with my hands tightens everything up my arms into my shoulders, making it harder to have a following contact and more likely that the reins would slip longer. And the longer my reins got, the lower he got up front, the more strung out, etc etc, a vicious cycle.

video of our trot work — with literally the most generous horse haha

So I needed to be thinking about holding and collecting it together with thighs, not hands, and not driving, but also maintaining enough forward support bc he was likeliest to break gait when it was hardest (ie, when he was most connected collected and on the aids). 

And meanwhile, all of this was made easier if I could hold my position taller and more upright, and really sit deep in the saddle — a feeling that was surprisingly easy on Shep (and yet another reason why I wish there was video so I could see if it looked the way it felt). 

just an unassuming dreamboat, nbd

So far, these lessons have really been an incredible experience. Almost like Trainer C is kinda just throwing us into the ‘dressage gauntlet,’ letting me try my hand at all these fancy movements bc she knows that 

1) her horses are confirmed beyond my ability to screw them up in a single hour, and 

2) they are the most perfect teachers bc they are just so reliable in their responses to the aids. 

Whether the aid is intentional or otherwise, they give a clear predictable response. If I’m gripping but then I release? Immediate change in the horse. If I’m a bit muddled but giving the basic gist of the right aid? They go forth and do the thing. The more I refine, the more crisp they become. 

It’s hard to tell how much will actually translate to Doozy when we’re back at it. Old habits die hard, ya know? But so far, the biggest takeaway for me is that I actually can deliver a good clear aid and release, I am able to do more or less the ‘right’ thing, and maybe the next step for Doozy will be actually giving her a little more trust and breathing room, to give her space to become reliable and predictable in her responses too. Maybe, lol.

dooz control

On one hand, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind around these parts. On the other hand tho… We’re still just kinda marking the passage of time with Doozy.

just me ‘n my formidable creature

I started doing a little tack walking about two weeks ago, and it’s been absolutely lovely to sit on my favorite girl again. 

 

She’s a feisty beasty tho, and despite my cautiousness about keeping things civilized under saddle, she’s definitely been, ahem, unruly in turnout…

 

And I admit to spiraling a bit after she’d clearly been up to no good outside:: telltale mud sprockles around face and belly were the first hint that she’d been tearing it up. Second hint was the teensy tiny little pinky-nail sized wound on her left hind. Ya know. Her cellulitis-leg. 

 

new hackamore plates from nunn finer! i *almost* got the biscuit style bc obvs! except it looks a little too western-y for me.

And naturally it blew up like a stove pipe and everything. 

 

Luckily it did NOT escalate into full force cellulitis again, and was back to normal after a day or two… But still. I did a little pity-party shopping for myself (new hackamore plates and fancy rubber reins from Nunn Finer!), and otherwise went full bore into total immersion / distraction with all things MDCTA planning.

 

Fortunately, as with any recognized event put on by a grassroots skeleton crew, there was plenty to do! And fun opportunities too — like getting to be a fly on the wall for the prelim course inspection, conducted by none other than Captain Mark Phillips. 

 

Mostly tho, it was the normal chores list. However long you think it takes to flag for an event… double it. 

don’t worry, i’m a professional

And brushing up the fences. Tho, uh, we were… ahem, a little short on brush LOL!

whew ok, we’ll call that “passable”

Setting up dressage arenas isn’t my favorite thing in the world, but that needed done too.

 

And painting. So much painting. Some jumps just needed some work on the leading edges and high points — like the above two — while others needed full on facelifts. Probably still more to do there before the starter trials next week too… Makes for some long nights!

 these kerrits paddock boots have held up shockingly well for the last two years, and are super comfortable. considering my blundstones were riddled with actual literal holes after the same amount of time, i’m officially a convert!

Eventually it all paid off with two good days of horse showing, with perfect weather, great footing, and lots of happy riders! 

 apparently a fox wanted to make sure i didn’t miss picking up this decorative straw ground line… 

Thennnnnn straight back to the ‘salt mines’ of cleaning up after the event — we take down the P and M courses right away since those levels don’t run for the unrecognized trial, and obvi all the decorations etc need to get picked up too.

kittermission picture as a palette cleanser after the poo LOL

It was definitely nice in a weird way to be a little too busy to even really feel guilty about not riding Doozy. Sure, I still made it out to groom her, check her legs, scratch her bug bites, etc… but mostly it’s been a couple weeks of just cruise control.

 

Finally, tho, with the event behind us, I started tack walking again this week <3 

 

Doozy is fresh AF and sizzling like a steak on the grill. I swear this horse just vibrates with energy omg. 

aerie is a stalwart supervisor <3

And I opted to cut one of our solo hacks short when we got out to the hay fields and the guys were all out there in the middle of cutting and baling and all that and Doozy thought that was all VERY EXCITING OMG lol… 

 

Luckily we had proper supervision for our next attempt and enjoyed a lovely (tho still extremely energetic) hack out to the woods.

 

Idk how long it’s going to take me to not feel nervous about the next steps in rehab, tbh. We had a single ride where I trotted exactly two long sides of the indoor arena… And the very next day she got that little wound on her cellulitis leg, and I instantly got cold feet again.

 

I’m sad to miss out on riding and showing and all that, and obvi eager to get Ms Thing going again. Except, more than anything, I really really want durable long term soundness. 

Obvi there are no guarantees with horses. A large part of Doozy’s recovery will depend on how well she treats her own self, ya know? Tho, by all accounts she appears happy healthy and SOUND frolicking around in her field. And the leg is looking good too.

So ya know. That makes happy. One day at a time!