remembering why

Genny from A Gift Horse just posted about finding old photographs from her teenage self that went a long ways toward reminding her why she rides in the first place. Why she goes through all the contortions of balancing home, family, career and horses. And why it's so critical to love and enjoy every second.

finally found this photograph - first ride ever! 

with Toby at a show

we rode a quadrille pattern

Her post is a teaser of sorts - as I believe she'll be sharing more stories about some of those horses. But it really resonated with me, and sent me scurrying over to my old boxes of photographs to scrape up a similar sentiment for myself.

CJ! i loved this pretty little gelding so desperately

and he was incredibly tolerant for a young guy

Buddy! another resident of the 'fat field'

These pictures barely scratch the surface of my childhood memories and the horses that have been most important and influential to me. But they still prove Genny's point: I am pretty darn happy in every single photo, and these horses are and will always be in my heart.

Harry, the ottb i showed for a couple years in rochester

he gave me my first real taste of success in the show ring, including getting my name on a couple perpetual trophies

As I've gotten older and become more accountable for the resources that are devoted to horses instead of, say, literally anything else, my mind more easily clouds with expectations and goals and rules and ambitions and wanting to be better and and and...

Dakota!

And I DO want to be better. I DO have goals.

And I pretty firmly believe that we MUST be accountable for the resources we expend in this hobby. There has to be some sort of reward, fulfillment, or value added from all the blood, sweat, and tears, all the time, energy and cold hard cash we pour into it.

Lad <3

he was the most fun ever to jump

so many fond memories of this horse!

But Genny's post was an important (and timely!) reminder to not get confused about what the end game really is: deriving joy in its purest form.

At the end of the day, the heart wants what it wants, and mine wants horses in my life.

SFTS Hop: Heart Horse

Jenn from Stories from the Saddle wants to know about our heart horse. Or, more specifically, she asks: Do you currently have your "heart horse"? What makes a "heart horse" to you? If you don't own a horse, have you ever leased a "heart horse"? 

This is always a difficult question for me to answer. Like others have said, choosing favorites can be hard and I try to find lovable things about most of the horses I have ridden (and there have been lots). 

I've also never owned before and Isabel is my first lease. So the horses in my past were assigned to me for one reason or another, rather than chosen by me. It doesn't make them any less special - but it does change the dynamic and affect how I view the relationships. 

Meaning: I've very much learned to 'love the one I'm with.'

That said, a few stick out over the years. And sadly I have almost no pictures of them, let alone of me riding them. All these photos were taken before the advent of the ubiquitous cell phone camera. Perhaps this is why I'm such a picture junkie now? 

doesn't get much better than a picture of a picture, right? #meta

Anyways, Snowy was a sensitive appy mare from the first barn where I learned to ride - the super isolated place where beginner lesson students rode single file behind the 'lead pony.' It was a rite of passage when I became a lead pony rider in high school - and Snowy was my charge (she was used exclusively for this purpose). 

no actual pictures, but my 14 yr old self was apparently quite the illustrative journalist. (see i come by the blogging thing naturally lol. also some things never change: see the 'i want a horse' comment)

I was assigned to lead pony multiple lessons a week, all free saddle time for me. I LOVED it. Snowy was challenging in her own right: flighty and nervous (and yes I totally hit the dirt in front of the up-downers more than once... oops!) - but this was the first time I had regular non-lesson rides on one horse and felt like we developed our own rapport. 

yes this is actually the best picture i have of him. maybe the only picture...

Dancer lived at the same farm and was my last regular lesson horse there. He was an aging TB suffering from a host of issues, including a bad back. He was a very sweet horse that I frequently struggled with, but when we got it right it was incredibly rewarding. When we got it wrong? Well... there may have been rides where we just careened around the tiny indoor again and again and again with zero control... but let's not dwell lol.  

Quite tragically, and VERY unfairly (to my 17 yr old mind) - both of these horses were PTS during my first year away at college for reasons I didn't fully agree with. Not that they were wrong, but I self-righteously thought the trainer should have tried harder. It was tough for me to come to terms, but that's horses, right?

i wasn't aware this photo was taken until the parent who snapped it gave me a copy weeks later. even all these years later i can still remember this quiet between-classes moment with Ellie

Once I got to college and settled into the new-to-me h/j world (a process that took the better part of a year), I took on barn management shifts to cover twice-weekly lessons. This was supplemented by 'project' horses that needed miles before they could officially become lesson ponies. 

The first was Ellie Mae, a young (and entirely too smart) chestnut TB mare who had a penchant for rearing when you tried to get on. Once you were on tho, it was just a matter of smoothing out the details. Getting her consistent and comfortable. She could be snarky and preferred not to be touched, but could turn on a dime and had a beautiful forward rhythm. 

I had her nearly to myself for a few months since the rearing scared a lot of riders. The rearing initially came from a place of fear - and she had to be tacked in the wash stall otherwise she'd lose her ever-loving marbles. But being a smart and sensible mare, she eventually figured it out and the problem disappeared. (tho another tragic note, she succumbed to white line disease only a couple years later at what was still a very young age)

oh how i love this horse

Once Smellie was 'in the program' I was on to the next project: Lad. I've already written about him a bit on this blog, including when I rode him in a lesson last Labor Day Weekend. 

Lad was another relatively easy horse. His biggest issues revolved around the plain old brute strength it took to ride him. Like - the kind of ride where your arms feel 2" longer when you're finished. 

he has legs for days!

He is SUCH a good boy tho and really tries hard. So once he figured out how to canter like a normal horse around the corners v. careening wildly, and once he developed the strength to carry his own {massive} head rather than leaning on the rider - well, he actually turned into a bit of a lug! 

Lots of kids love him tho, and I had so much fun jumping the big stuff with him. He had snappy little knees even if the rest of him was fugly :) 

Where does that leave me now? With the adorable lease mare Isabel we all know and love! 

Isabel and I are doing things I've only ever dreamed of, and have developed what feels like a special partnership. Does that make her a 'heart horse'? Idk, probably right? I'm not likely to ever forget this time with her, and that seems to be what distinguishes the horses above from the rest. 

So yea, let's call her that. Despite the uncertainty in our situation (written about in one of Beka's blog hops) we can safely include her in the list of important horses in my life. 

who jumped it better: brief thoughts on OTTBs

A few bloggers are posting about OTTBs, and whether or not they're suitable horses for adult amateurs. It's provoked a lot of really positive discussion, and has been interesting reading everyone's opinions.

SprinklerBandits made the case against, and Lauren @ SheMovedtoTexas made the case for. Nicole from Zen and the Art of Baby Horse Management added her thoughts, as did Calm, Forward, Straight. (Did I miss anybody? Lmk and I'll add it!)

I don't want to recreate that wheel, but had my own little thought based on observations from a recent lesson. This will take the form of, "Who Jumped it Better" (except not really bc it's not a competition - just a comparison). I'm approaching this from a mercenary and superficial point of view - just to see what people think.

So below are two pictures video stills** and gifs, with minimal context. They are both accurate representations of each horse's typical way of going. And, for the sake of comparison, let's say all other things are equal - health, soundness, price.

(**My apologies in advance that the stills aren't the same angle or phase of take-off. But I still think they demonstrate.... something? maybe?)

• Isabel is an experienced and game nearly-14yr old <15hh (terrible that I don't know the exacts!) Arabian mare who has a 'been there, done that' attitude. She's got hops and doesn't care who knows, and will crack that back of hers over the merest of crossrails. She's show-ready today, tomorrow, yesterday, whatever.

• Wick is a green-as-grass 7yr old 16hh OTTB (26 starts, last raced in 2013) who has been jumping regularly with B in lessons for all of 10 weeks. He literally just figured out how to actually, ya know, JUMP two weeks ago when we ran him through a chute. No matter tho - his long back and legs make him a smooth ride even when he has to scramble a little. He's got a great brain and a whole heart full of try.

So. If you're looking for a jumping prospect, which do you choose? Why?

Does your answer depend more on your immediate goals? Or long-term goals?


There's no right or wrong answer here (honestly I'm not entirely sure what my point is, if there is one, except that maybe tall athletic horses like OTTBs make it look easier even when they maybe aren't doing a very good job yet). 

But still, I'm curious about what everyone else thinks. 

My thoughts? I suspect that, given different circumstances (as in, I wasn't already leasing Isabel and totally crazy about her) I'd give young Wick a try. I showed primarily OTTBs in college and absolutely love them. Their size and sheer power bolstered my confidence, saying nothing about their brains, work ethic, etc - topics already covered in other posts. 

Isabel is plenty athletic and has abilities well beyond what I've tapped into, but my first hand experience is that jumping 2'6" on her looks and feels a LOT different from the leggy OTTB I showed at that height in Rochester. 

'i'm flying jack!' - isabel (11/2014)

'speed bumps ahoy' - lad (9/2014)

december's 10 questions

L. Williams is at it again!

1. What size horse do you prefer to ride? I typically feel best on something around 16hh. Isabel is a bit small-ish, as I had trouble seeing distances on shorter horses... but now I'm pretty used to her way of going lol. 

Lad-sized horses are good!

2. Do you school in tall boots or half chaps and paddock boots? Both - depending on what I'm doing or wearing, ground conditions, or my mood. If we're going into the woods or the ground is really muddy, paddock boots are a no-brainer. But I like riding in tall boots too - and just picked up a schooling pair to give my show boots a break. 

3. What do you do with your ribbons after shows? My mom has the year-end tricolors I won the one and only summer I was fabulously successful in a show series (yay for sparse attendance in adult divisions at schooling shows!). 

I used to hang Isabel's ribbons on her stall... but some barn mates apparently felt that was too competitive (which is definitely NOT my intent!) so I took them down. Now they're in a box in the trunk of my car getting wrinkled lol. 

i just thought it was pretty...

4. Do you ride/board at a large show barn or a small private barn? Isabel's barn houses <30 horses and a busy lesson program. Past events include closed-barn shows, combined trainings, trail challenges, and one variety show that included games, barrels, and a terrifyingly misguided gambler's choice jumpers class (who on EARTH decided to give lesson kids two minutes to rack up as many points as possible by jumping random fences willy nilly?). So... long story short, it's a medium sized barn - tho only 3-5 of us go to outside shows. 

OF, on the other hand, is a large eventing barn that's home to a few seriously competitive riders (including Maryland Hunt Cup riders - how cool!). They host a yearly recognized event, and several starter and schooling type shows. 

5. Have you ever seen a horse give birth? Nope! 

6. What is your favorite breed? Most of my experiences are with TBs, and I expect that my first horse will be an OTTB (when that day ever happens...). Arabians are actually not particularly high on my list of favorites, but I'm clearly pretty fond of Isabel... so it depends on the horse, I guess.  

Gwenyth was a pretty cute Cleveland Bay, tho moderately spastic

7. Favorite tack brand? Not a clue! 

8. Would you ever buy used tack? Yep, pretty much 75-80% of my riding and general equipment is consignment (why pay full price for trailer ties when there's a perfectly serviceable pair for $8??). 

a combination of new and old here

9. Ever been on a carriage ride? Can't actually remember... maybe not?

10. How often do you go to the tack store? I tend to go in spurts, it seems. Maybe every other month? 

SFTS Blog Hop: Why do you do what you do?

Jenn from Stories from the Saddle started a new blog hop! 

She wants to know: Why do you do what you do?

Excellent topic! Perhaps this wasn't the intent, but I'm going to take this as an opportunity for a little trip down memory lane. Throwback Thurs.., er, Friday?? 

I learned to ride at a barn that didn't outwardly align itself with a specific discipline. We were quite isolated, actually, and the trainer/owner was very traditional and strict. She was certain that her way was not only the best way, but the only way. 

We didn't show, per se, except for one big year-end event that was a closed-barn demonstration to show our parents where their money went.

she liked drill patterns performed to military tunes. go figure

(i'm on the tall blaze-faced mare Toby)

So I really didn't know much about the wider world of horses, though I got an excellent education on all things horse care related. I now recognize the barn as being mostly dressage-oriented, though we jumped occasionally, and the trainer's fundamental philosophy was traditional, balanced seat riding.

when you got to a certain age, you did dressage tests instead of drill patterns.

i could not for the life of me get Candy to canter in our test.

it was actually quite idyllic

I started riding at hunter barns when I joined the IHSA team in college because that was the de facto discipline. I really loved the barn where the team practiced, so when I graduated and moved, I found a barn that was similar (more on these barns here and here). This was more about seeking the familiar than actually knowing what was out there, or what my goals were. 

It's kinda interesting, in retrospect, because I've never really fit in super well with the hunter world. That's not to say that I felt excluded or out of place (I didn't and don't) - I just never felt that my talents (or lack there of? lol) where a great match. 

doing my hunter thang with Lad in Rochester, circa 2006

In any case, things got interesting when I found Isabel (or when she found me?). I had a *very* affordable six month lease on her, and figured she'd serve to get me into good enough shape to be successful at my new hunter barn after a few years off. 

But a funny thing happened - Isabel became an exciting mount in her own right and I extended the lease indefinitely. Then I discovered this excellent blogging community, and was really inspired by all the various ways you enjoy your horses and fit them into your lifestyles, regardless of resources and background. 

I realized that I had a special horse on my hands, and that I'd never get the same kind of animal at this cost ever again. 

oh hai. wanna have some fun?

By this time I was educated enough in various disciplines to recognize that I'd be squandering my game arabian mare's talents by squishing her into a hunter mold. So I started thinking about which disciplines she could excel in. Obviously anything trail related - trail challenges or endurance, for instance. 

But my heart has always been in jumping. And I've always had a fixation on cross country (despite my wussiness lol). Getting judged on just time and faults? And scrappiness is rewarded?? Yea, Isabel can do that. 

So we took the dive into eventing this spring. We started dressage and jumping lessons, and have been xc schooling together twice. And our first full three-phase horse trial is coming up in just over a week. That makes us official, right? :)

lesson in Rochester

Last week I mentioned that I used to live in Rochester and was going back for a visit over Labor Day Weekend. It was so much fun!!!

big headed horse is big headed

I have so many good memories of that place, and a lot of my friends (both equine and otherwise) are still there. 

lad's a good friend

The lesson itself was pretty solid too. This trainer always knows how to make me feel good and confident, and had us hopping around a 2'6" course like no big deal. (it helps when you're on a large bomb-proof lesson horse). 

lad demonstrates the universal 'between course nap' perfected by generations of lesson ponies

Lad actually wasn't so bomb-proof when he moved to the barn around 2005. He was 7ish, I believe, and off the track with very little training otherwise. He knew how to go fast, but didn't really have brakes or steering, and has never been particularly sensitive. Plus there's not a whole lot going on inside that {massive} head of his. 

But he has a HUGE heart and really truly wants to please his rider. So getting him going in the lesson program and able to be ridden by other people besides me was very rewarding. 

lad demonstrates that below a certain height, jumps are just exaggerated canter strides

So he is always a really good horse for me to ride these days, since I know him so well and he's turned into such a baby sitter. It's funny - he's the complete opposite of Isabel.

My trainer zeroed in immediately on my 'defensive' riding stance. The spots all looked long to me (naturally, a bigger horse frequently means a bigger stride. duh emma), and I wasn't really committing. My shoddy confidence manifests itself in distrust of the horse. And with Isabel, she's so adjustable and handy that we can almost *always* fit in another stride. 

But not so with Lad. He's a big guy and handles like a freight train. He'll take you straight up to the spot he wants, and all you need to do is go with him regardless of what you, personally, think of that distance.

they always have the prettiest jumps

Once I stopped getting left behind and got my eye in sync with Lad, things really clicked right on along. The 2'6" oxers didn't look like anything from his back and everything just felt very natural and comfortable.

hey look ma - i actually let go of his face!!

We even started getting the normal horse strides once I let him go and stopped burying him. I swear - this horse can count better than most riders. He says, 'um emma? i know you want to do six here... but, uh, it's a five. just hang on and lemme do my job, k?'

roll backs on a freight train require advanced planning

The courses were all pretty standard for hunter land - usually starting with an inside single, to outside line, to diagonal line, back to other outside. We also threw in a roll back (which blessedly was to the left, as Lad lands on his left lead every. single. time.) and a comma (aka a bending line, tho we rode it quite straight).

Sometimes I wonder how much more I'd be up for as a rider if my horse was like Lad. Don't get me wrong - Isabel is an extremely game mare and is capable of doing all the things I want to do. But she's a more technical, sensitive ride and is less forgiving. It's harder for me to get to that same level of trust with her, tho it is happening (albeit slowly). But still... when I'm actually in the market for a horse of my own, it'll ideally be more like Lad.


Anyways, the videos were terribly mangled during the transfer from phone to computer (anyone know how to load videos directly from the app??), and will probably be even worse after going through blogger... but here they are anyway in all their grainy glory. 

The progression in my riding is clearly visible (lol actually probs not with the bad video quality) in that in the first two videos I obviously get left behind at a few fences, but finally in the last one I've got it figured out. You might want to mute the volume, however, as there is lots of random chatter lol:

video 1 - needs work

video 2 - better

video 3 - finally getting the hang of it

Rochester memories & starting at a new barn

After college I took about 4 years off from riding. This was mostly a function of budget (non existent) and riding facilities (I had NO idea where to even go).

But part of the problem was just how happy I had been at my barn in Rochester during the college years. I trusted my trainer there completely. Even when I was scared (which wasn't exactly rare - see blog title lol), I knew that if she told me to do something, it was because she KNEW I was capable. And that alone was enough to inspire confidence in me. And that is also nearly impossible to replicate.

I still visit Rochester regularly, and schedule lessons during those visits. 

Last August, there was a schooling show the weekend I was visiting. But the trust is so strong - I said, 'never mind that I haven't jumped 2'6" in years or ridden any of your current school horses - enter me in the show on a horse and division of your choosing!'

Indy is a very good boy

That was definitely a LOT of fun. My performance was solidly meh - garnering me reserve champion in a class of two lol - but ooh boy did I have fun :)

corners are overrated

(also - this was when I discovered my tall boots didn't fit anymore... oops. but yay for wearing half chaps at schooling shows!)

It was also a perfect opportunity for catching up with all my old barn friends (both the two- and four-legged varieties). 

it's not physically possible to get Lad's whole head in a selfie

Starting at a new barn is always tricky - especially if you don't have your own horse. There's so much more to riding than getting in and out of the saddle, and for the sake of safety, pretty much nobody will just take your word for it that you have a clue. So committing to a new place, a new trainer, and new horses, was really overwhelming for me for a while. 

In fact, the first place I chose ended up being a terrible fit - I got off halfway through my third lesson because I was positive that the horse was going to throw me. Couldn't get the damn thing around a corner without pseudo-bucking and shit fits unless I parked it's nose on the ass of another horse. And the trainer offered the advice - 'he'll go in a frame if you ask him.' Yea. That's super helpful. I can't get him to go around a fucking corner, and you suggest I put him in a frame? Gee, how insightful. 

Anywho, after another few years of no riding, I finally managed to get back into it at a nice hunter barn surprisingly close to my home. And, a year or so after that, I met Isabel.

not exaggerating - Lad has a Very Large Head

But I still miss my Rochester barn... which is why I'm up there this weekend for another visit + lesson!! Happy Labor Day Weekend :)