the year ahead

Back in the golden age of equestrian blogging, posting goals was popular and ubiquitous, with many the ambitious rider routinely committing to quarterly and even monthly goals. 

That trend faded over time (along with the waning popularity of long-format platforms in general...), and my last year of posting traditional annual and quarterly goals was 2018 (final wrap up post here). 

Obvi I didn't abandon the long-format platform (otherwise, uh, I wouldn't be writing these words right now LOL), nor have I given up on “planning” lol. So it was something else that made me move away from such structured well-defined goals, at least in the traditional sense. 

excited for the next year with this sweet biscuit

Namely, upper level rider Matt Brown wrote a series of compelling and thought provoking essays for Chronicle of the Horse in late 2018 that I found to be deeply influential. 

I wrote out my thoughts and impressions based on his essay in this post here, but have continued to mull over the ideas ever since. Including reading (and re-reading) a book called The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris & Stephen Hayes PhD (available for free through your Audible account or with a trial), which I believe to be some of the primary source material Matt references in his essay.

A big theme in this material is the distinction between process and outcome. Or, to take it a step further, values and outcomes. That an 'outcome' is a bit like the destination of a journey, like going to Paris. Or, more topically, riding in the Championships or earning your Bronze Medal. And the process is the way we get there, step by step.

These outcomes may very well be things we want -- but the fulfillment from such a destination or outcome is by its very definition a transient and temporary sensation. And, more to Matt's point -- we ultimately have very little control over ever achieving certain outcomes. As every horse person knows, there are virtually no promises with horses.  

So the idea is to focus on staying guided by our values, deriving fulfillment not only from where we plan to go, but from the steps along the journey itself. To get passionate about the process, rather than obsessing about the outcome. 

not sure exactly what’s ahead of us yet but it’ll hopefully be fun!!

And as Adam Grant notes in his book Think Again, (also seems to be available for free with an Audible trial, for those of you who like listening to books while driving!), "passions are developed, not discovered."

Most of us are already pretty far along in the whole “passionate about horses” thing… But ya know, the process of actually improving our riding, developing our skills, conditioning ourselves to the correct postures and exertions etc… Not even mentioning the other half of that equation — the horse itself and all that goes into devoting ourselves to pursuits with an entire other sentient creature… Well. Turns out, riding is hard. 

Sometimes it’s a real grind, or deeply frustrating. Failure with horses is almost inevitable in one way or another, it seems. There are so many ways things can go wrong — bad rides, lamenesses or injuries, lack of skill or training or ability. External forces like shitty weather or bad ground or plain old limited resources….

Some days it’s easy to say, “ya know what, I just don’t feel like it.” Which… Honestly, imo is totally fine. I’ve had to learn to give myself some grace (and space) for those days. 

But I’m also working to shift my mindset a little bit too. Namely, working to understand that motivation isn’t some magical drug that allows us to succeed in our endeavors. It’s not something that you either “have” or “don’t have” — it’s just a reflection of we want. The desire to act. 

words to live by

In this mindset, ‘discipline’ and ‘will power’ become nothing more than figments of the imagination, mere constructs rather than something that defines or describes me as an individual. What we are really describing with those words is a pattern of committed action. 

Doing the thing even when I don’t feel like it. Going through the motions, the process, bc that’s how we get where we wanna go. Or, if necessary, reevaluating the intended outcome entirely if the process of getting there doesn’t inspire joy or fulfillment. One thing I learned from my competition journey with Charlie — it’s hard to engage fully in an activity if I’m distracted by fear or anxiety. 

So. For the year ahead, I’m re-committing myself to the values of persistence and self development. To the process of practicing my skills, assessing the results, and modifying as needed — recognizing that sometimes failure is a wonderful teacher. 

I want to put one foot in front of the other, day after day, hopefully to get somewhere pretty special, but definitely enjoying the journey. Happy new year, y’all!