the 2 year ultimatum

This week marks two years since first meeting Doozy and bringing her home. She was three months out from her final race and still hadn’t begun the restarting process, after tangling in a fence at the adoption facility… But there was something about her that I liked. 

Her inquisitive and interactive disposition, her desire to connect with the people (and animals lol) around her. A general sense of willingness. Plus I thought she was cute lol. 

she had me at bonjour

We got off to a bumpy start, tho, when Doozy almost immediately developed a giant systemic infection, cellulitis, and subsequent hoof abscess in one of her injured legs. The mare was slow to recover, and my very pragmatic vet noted it could possibly be a recurring / chronic situation given the nature of the fence injuries. 

So we spent those first few weeks working on relationship building and developing a shared vocabulary. Tho, readers from the time will remember I also put the mare on a 90 day probationary period — with the explicit intent to return her to the adoption facility if her lamenesses didn’t meaningfully resolve by then. 

Fortunately, the lamenesses did resolve, and slowly but surely Doozy and I settled into the exciting challenging and rewarding rhythms of a growing partnership. 

go everywhere, do everything, smell every flower

Our first season together was not without its difficulties — both in and out of the saddle, as evidenced by a midyear barn move. But Doozy successfully got me back into the swing of eventing for the first time in years, and blossomed throughout the year into the “go everywhere, do everything” type of horse I love.

This past spring brought more bumps, however, with a series of successive mystery on-again, off-again lamenesses. The nature of the NQR-ness was tricky to pin down, and multiple vet work-ups and exams were frustratingly inconclusive. I wrote about our approach and course of action back in April, when we decided on somewhat conservative (YMMV) adjustments to the mare’s wellness profile — including adding hind shoes and putting her on equioxx. 

What I didn’t write about at the time, however, was that I gave the mare another ultimatum: a long enough runway for us to try one thing at a time to see what worked and what didn’t, enough time to turn over every stone (example: add hind shoes, reassess, consider adding wedges as a next step). But that if August rolled around and we were still on again, off again, signing up for stuff only to scratch in the warm up ring bc of lameness… Well. That would be that.

that moment when you ‘look the part’ but are rethinking… everything 

Everyone on Doozy’s care team was looped into the plan. Not to put pressure on any specific individual, but rather to say, “Hey, if you have an idea, let’s game it out and give it a proper chance — one incremental step at a time, starting now.” 

My vet also gave us the green light to go forth and keep the mare in work unless she was actively lame. Giving her a chance to stay the same, improve, or worsen (which itself could inform diagnostics).

In the meantime, I started researching options for the dreaded “Plan B.” Realistically, there are few ‘good’ options for an unsound red thoroughbred mare. She could go back to the adoption facility for a reasonable fee — but then what? What happens to this silly mare in the bottomless vortex of the OTTB resale pipeline? No no, that wouldn’t do. Instead I found a lovely little retirement farm (no riding facilities but plenty of grass) at a cost that would still let me get another horse and do occasional adventures. 

i just want more of this,* pls
(*except for the whole crazy pants meltdown that came later, obvi)

So. With a care plan and acceptable contingencies in place, August would be our moment of truth. And here we are: two years in, facing Doozy’s second big reckoning in as many years.

And our verdict? Well. Lol. Given that I’m posting already halfway into the month bc we were too busy with lessons and xc schooling and our favorite local show series… Well. That kiiiiiiinda says it all, amirite? 

We might not have seen the last of the mystery ailment, but it doesn’t seem to point to a breakdown (given she’s been consistently better in her body this summer). There are no guarantees with horses, but for me, this is enough — especially considering the alternatives.

finding the joy <3 <3

And realistically, I love the shit out of this mare. She’s got me, hook, line, and sinker. Not that that’s hard — I’m pretty much a bleeding heart, after all. Keeping her would always be my first choice.

But it’s serious stuff, too. I know I’m not the only one sacrificing a LOT to have this type of animal in my life. We all know the adage about “keeping the main thing the main thing,” but feelings of guilt, disappointment, failure — or just plain stubbornness — are hard to get around when a horse isn’t working out. IMO, it’s important to normalize contingency planning, especially as an adult ammy with limited resources.

Getting back on this trajectory with Doozy — this experience of learning and growing my skills, getting out and challenging myself, pursuing the dream — has meant so much. She’s a special and exciting horse, for all her quirks and charms haha. Here’s to a happy 2 years and hopefully many more to come!