Obviously, I'm talking about my hands. Obviously. In a proverbial box. That references the space directly in front of the saddle. So your hands refrain from flying all over the place like frightened pigeons scattered by buckshot!
throwback to our first ever BN in 2014!!! as evidence that i've kinda had shitty hands for a long long time lol. gosh i've been lucky to ride such saintly horses!
Lol... For real tho. Ever since last week's clinic I've been thinking about this one small but integral piece of feedback from Martin: My hands need to be forward and together going with the horse over the fence. Holding mane or a neck strap as needed.
His point was that this would give me my position of safety and balance. And reduce the overall sense of "fragility" he observed in my way of riding.
turns out, even when we're not doing anything, my hands are still off doing something. what even, tho? nobody knows...
Obviously like... That is NOT news. Not in general, nor as it relates particularly to instruction I've previously received.
Trainer P has always encouraged her students to ride with neck straps, saying if it's good enough for William Fox Pitt it's good enough for her.
Dan used to constantly remind me that my cross country position should feature my hands securely "half way up Isabel's neck."
bad hands not limited to missed distances at fences, either!!
Literally every coach ever has ruthlessly needled me to shorten my reins. And those lengthy reins, it should be noted, are a direct result of allowing my hands to wander thither and yon.
But like, why haven't I done something to fix it? For some reason, I've kinda gotten to this place where I sorta just shrug like, "Yea ok, so I have bad hands. Deal with it." While occasionally sorta patting myself on the back when the universe aligns and we get a decent picture.
proof it can be done <3 <3
But.... That's not really good enough, right?
Nor is it really "good enough" to act like, since my regular jump trainers haven't made a big deal out of it, then maybe I shouldn't either.
Bc actually, I'm starting to view my wayward hands as possibly the most visible symptom of what might be my whole sorta systemic 'Fraidy Cat-ness. The backwards riding, the lack of commitment to a forward distance, the panic when I don't see a spot.
taken without context, this is not a bad picture. charlie looks like $1 million dollars in cash, and i'm more or less going along for the ride. the context tho? his gargantuan heroic effort over this fence in brutal weather conditions was made all the more difficult by my backward stance, such that when we arrived at the next fence in a similar manner, the horse gave up and i fell off.
And ever since the clinic, I've been paying more attention. It turns out, my hands don't actually "go rogue." They are wild animals that can't be tamed virtually 95% of the time, and are only ever really in the right place that fraction of the time I'm paying attention to them.
When I'm warming up or hacking out, at any given time, my hands are basically anywhere BUT where they belong. So like, no wonder they don't stay put when things get a little hairy or when I feel uncertain -- it turns out I have exactly 0 muscle memory for that.
you can see the forward effort is happening in my body position here, tho the hands still detract and are counterproductive
A nervous, preoccupied or distracted rider is going to revert back to whatever position comes most naturally, right? And so that's why we practice: to commit the feeling of a correct position to muscle memory such that it doesn't really require any brain power or concentration to hold that position.
I'm coming to understand that while I've practiced all manner of positional elements (in the past year, most particularly, my leg and seat position), I've neglected my hands. And. Ya know, it shows haha.
basically this forever
So I'm taking a page out of L Williams' book and dedicating the next foreseeable future to a microgoal of fixing my mother fucking hands omg.
I have a couple ideas for how to do this, but they basically all revolve around a concerted focus on keeping my hands in the right spot at all times, no matter what. If my reins are too long for me to do what I want with my hands in that position, I'll just have to shorten my reins. If my upper body feels like it's collapsing or reaching, I'll just have to strengthen my upper body position.
The key, I think, will be finding ways to help me subconsciously stick to the plan. Obvious tools include a neck strap and saddle pommel grab strap (it clips to my d-rings). I might add in some additional strappy goods to act as actual tethers, tho obvi must keep safety in mind before I go literally tying my hands to anything LOL.
Either way, I'll keep you posted. And, ya know, wish me luck haha. Bc we all know breaking bad habits in riding is hard to do.... But hey, isn't that what this time of year is for anyway? Anyone else gonna dig into any sort of positional boot camp this year??
Every year, Loch Moy Farm hosts a series of clinics dubbed the "Week with the Pros." The series is wedged between their final recognized HT with BN3DE and the penultimate starter trial of the season, and boasts a different clinician on each day of the week.
Making it more of an occasion, the lessons are held out on the competition cross country course -- which is generally not open for schooling most of the year. Considering the course is still set from the recognized show it makes for a special opportunity.
to glory!!! or something!!!! it's probably over there!!!
Over the years nearly all the Loch Moy schooling vouchers I've earned from volunteering have expired unused. Mostly bc.... Damn, it's a rough drive. My horse lives north east of Baltimore City and Loch Moy is out toward western Maryland, so it's a lot of highways across a lot of traffic. As such, I strongly prefer having two horses on board so they have company on the journey.
I really wanted to do the "Week with the Pros" this year, tho, so I asked around the barn until I found someone who wanted and was able to come with. Based on a combination of scheduling nirvana and personal recommendations, we decided on registering for the Thursday session: semi private xc lessons with Martin Douzant.
starting small. so we can demonstrate our deficiencies as ironically as possible
Charlie somehow managed to keep himself in one piece leading up to the clinic, but our traveling buddy was not so lucky and had to bow out at the last minute. I was super bummed she couldn't come and more than a little reluctant to make Charlie do the drive alone, lest he end up weaving the entire way...
But we pushed forward anyway and actually he ended up completely fine. Better than fine -- he was GREAT. And actually, so was the lesson.
we spent most of the warm up hitting < 2'3 fences at embarrassingly awkward distances
Martin Douzant may be a familiar name in that he's extremely well known as a producer of young horses -- including in the Young and Future Event Horse programs. He's got a quiet steady way about him that seems to really help young horses thrive and flourish.
Overall, I wasn't really totally sure what to expect from a private lesson (since, again, my lesson mate had to cancel last minute). But my plan going in was: Have Fun.
BN table looked exciting after all that
After telling Martin a bit about ourselves, he had us begin with going back and forth over... some extremely tiny jumps lol. Which, obviously, Charlie totally aced as the most perfect horse in the world. And I felt all nice and smug in having explained that we'd been doing N for ages and schooling T for nearly as long.
But then... Martin sent us out on a mini course of another 5 or so tiny jumps (the largest of which was the BN table above) and.... Well. We proceeded to miss just about every single distance. Oops.
martin trying to tell me to be less... uh, me-ish. M: "that thing you do.... don't."
Y'all have totally seen us do this before too -- when Charlie gets to the slightly gung-ho long spot and I sorta sit back, slip the reins, and clutch my pearls while he flings himself across the fence.
So. Um. Martin did not like this. At all. He was adamant that, in that moment right before, during, and right after the jump itself, the rider *must* be in balance with the horse.
charles feels likewise
So this would be the focus of the lesson -- making me go with the horse. Which, I gotta be honest, was in a way weirdly refreshing. For years now I've sorta cringed at all these photos and videos of me riding horses in my *me* sorta way. But yet, none of my regular coaches have made much of a point of changing that habit, so I guess I sorta figured it was ok.
And like, tons of professional riders routinely maintain fairly upright positions (Phillip Dutton comes to mind), so perhaps I'd convinced myself that maybe it wasn't really a bad thing. Considering I've managed to stick some shit in that position, maybe it was even a good thing?
pleading with me to please try holding mane. M: "it's right here, srsly tho"
But Martin's point wasn't actually about my upper body -- rather, he cared about where my hands were going. Which was perhaps something I was willfully overlooking haha. All those pros who have upright positions still have independent and following hands lol...
So yea. In this lesson, the crazy pearl clutching I do with my hands when we hit a funky distance would be a primary focus. In no uncertain terms, Martin wanted me holding mane over the fence. Actually he would have preferred I was riding with a neck strap, but the mane would do too.
trying to not get left behind at BN
He actually described me as having "fragile balance," something that surprised me bc again I feel like I've been able to more or less sit some shit. My own impression is that... these positional flaws have more to do with muscle memory stemming from lack of commitment to the forward ride.
Honestly tho, I'm not sure the "why" really matters here. Bc the prescription is the same either way: I need to stay in a more forward balance with the horse no matter what. Long spot, close spot, no spot. My hands need to stay in the appropriate zip code.
oooh we graduated to N!!
Obviously it won't surprise you even a little bit to hear that when I made it my business to grab mane and keep my hands in the right spot, suddenly everything felt wayyyy better. Which is a lesson I apparently will continue to relearn again and again: that when you maintain a more forward positional balance, it's easier to keep a forward pace that gives you more options to the fence.
heck yes, progression yo
After Martin got us consistently holding this forward position, he sent us back out for more course work. Actually -- this was probably the biggest distinction of this lesson compared to most other xc lessons I've taken (with the exception of Dan's xc lessons): it was almost ALL course work.
is a skinny!! just ignore the slightly crooked line to it!!!
And I REALLY liked that approach. It definitely suits Charlie more than the start / stop of just doing one or two fences at a time. The horse did really really well with just being set loose to cover some ground and jump 5-6 things at a time.
and another skinny!!!
Another aspect of the lesson that kinda surprised me a bit was what sort of fences Martin would include. On any given course we'd have jumps ranging in size from 12" to T, often one right after the next.
This.... Is not something I've really ever done before in schooling sessions. Usually there might be some sort of progression in size as part of the warm up. And perhaps for more technically challenging combinations or questions you might downgrade the size of the fence. But generally I try to get up to size and then stay there.
N oxer!! -- for some reason i dislike these airy rails
But Martin's point was that... So much of how Charlie and I are meeting the fences has to do with my own reactions to them. I'm maybe not careful enough with the very small fences. And then maybe I'm a bit nervously excitable at the bigger fences. Either way, I'm not consistent.
And he wanted consistency. He wanted me jumping each fence exactly the same, whether it was 12" or 3'5.
this log is usually on the T course going into water. seems like an N configuration here tho. either way, finally jumped it one way or another!
Specifically, he wanted me holding a forward balance in my position (holding mane at the fence itself) but otherwise waiting for the fences.
As soon as the jumps started getting bigger he noted my tendency to want to "chase" Charlie a bit if I didn't see a distance. Which like... I fully admit it. At this point in my riding I feel like I have to "do something" or make a choice or go for it or something.
M tootsie roll.... kinda hate that these fences have false ground lines
Which led to quite a few bad distances at the line of tootsie roll fences we did (modified and training). Martin wanted me to... do less. Which, ya know, haha, is hard.
It was interesting tho, bc I felt like this was the sort of counterbalance I needed to really understand some of what Sally has been saying to me all summer. She's been wanting me to keep Charlie's hind end moving forward to the bridle, while also maintaining solid contact.
tho the T had some nice brush for a ground line and we still biffed it so... meh lol
I felt like in this lesson, I could keep Sally's words cycling through my head while also focusing hard on following Martin's real-time instruction. And that in doing so, I was ending up with a better ride and more complete understanding of what that "feel" is that each trainer is looking for.
Bc it's all the same stuff, right? They all want to see the same thing.
M explaining to me that my horse is better than me. lol, we know bro, we know
In a way I actually felt oddly reassured that Martin kinda wanted us to break it down. Rather than focusing on challenging combinations or questions, he simply wanted us to be consistent. And said that THIS was our biggest limiting factor in moving up.
Which is true. I've felt like, at our best, Charlie is invincible. But.... In those moments when Charlie isn't operating fully at 110%, I still can't reliably pick up the slack and fill that gap.
wedge back the other way!
For the record, tho, Charlie was an exceptionally good boy for this lesson. We'd had a spot of rain the day before so the ground was finally a bit softer. Plus it was gusting at up to 50mph haha. Like, really fucking windy. Which sure, might make some horses crawl right out of their own skin, but was just the ticket for helping Charlie feel his most forward lol.
next lesson showed up before M was done with us...
And I actually think Martin kinda liked Charlie. Like when I tried to defend my defensive upright position by saying how some shit had happened this summer and I wasn't always sure whether the horse would go at the long spots... Martin basically said, "Uh... Yea I think the horse is going to jump, tho. So just go with him."
Or when we finally started including more N and T fences in our course work, how he was like, "Oh, ok yea, this horse needs to jump bigger fences." He described the horse as plenty scopey, and said he liked how Charlie jumped the skinnies. I'm not entirely sure what, exactly, he liked about it (probably should have asked) but it was nice to hear all the same.
had to finish with some steps!! here be where charlie threw his shew
Honestly my overall impression was that Martin liked the horse and felt he was completely capable of doing the things I want to do. But that *I* need to be better. Which, ya know, we already knew.
I appreciated tho how it felt like he was able to communicate his own soft quiet style of riding through instruction in such a way that I could adopt it at least in part. The trick will be, as always, in seeing if I can hang on to the feeling without the constant instruction haha.
we went down too!! which, incidentally, produced the motivation for my new "oh shit" d-ring strap...
I also really liked the format of the lesson being predominantly course work, with just a few instances of sessioning individual elements (like the bank above, which proved to be another example of my bad hands at work...).
Especially considering his courses had less to do with the individual elements and more to do with the consistent steady rhythm, this gives me a lot of ideas for how to incorporate into my own schooling routine.
The video is a bit longer than what I typically try to upload, and even so it still cut out most of our earliest warm up fences. But I really wanted to capture as much of the ride as possible, especially the parts of the course work where I was working on adopting the feel Martin was trying to impart.
Tho, lol, you can tell we didn't really do much in terms of addressing the left drift in this particular ride. The longer I watch the video, the more I end up leaning farther and farther to the right, trying to subconsciously straighten us out LOL. Ah well, there's always more to work on for another day!
he had a lot to say to us. all of which was extremely useful.
Obviously signing up for a private clinic lesson with an unknown trainer is always kind of a gamble. Especially if things haven't necessarily been going well in our training. In this case, tho, I felt like it really paid off.
The instruction felt like the perfect counter point to all the work I've been doing this summer. I've taken probably more cross country lessons this year than in the last couple years combined, and it really feels like this particular ride helped refine and hone some of those key concepts.
It's not clear if there will be future opportunities to ride with Martin bc he's based even farther away down in The Plains, Virginia, but 10/10 would do again given the chance lol.
In the meantime, tho, it was great to have Charlie feeling more like himself again! Here's hoping we may end up with a fun fall season after all!! :D
Lol so y'all already know that I can be a bit of a neurotic stress-ball when it comes to micromanaging shit, especially the clock. If my lesson is at 12pm, you better believe I've got the entire preceding 5hrs broken down into 15min intervals grouped and sub-grouped by task level.
It's.... ahem, cough cough, part of my charm.
driving country roads = following country vehicles at 15mph for miles and miles....
Every now and then tho ---- jusssst every now and then ---- this obsessive characteristic of mine pays dividends. (More often it is otherwise drawing heavily on the patience and forbearance of my friends and loved ones but that's a story for another day LOL...)
Like... When I'm only "minutes" away from our destination clinic venue, only to find myself well and truly stuck behind a giant tractor taking up both lanes on this quiet country road. We were following behind this thing at 15mph for no fewer than 15min. Luckily, tho, it was nbd since there was enough wiggle room built into the schedule. Phew!
You better believe I patted myself on the back for having allotted enough time to not feel stressed about following that thing for a few miles!
oooh we did fun things tho!
I also like to pat myself on the back and consider myself pretty well stocked in terms of tools and supplies when it comes to the most generally common mishaps.
Now, again, ahem, I've also been accused of being a #hoarder, lol, and.... ya know.... There could be some truth that.... But hey, isn't the trailer supposed to be for overflow storage anyway?? Right?!?!
aaaaaand also dumb things, lol whoops
But color me tickled when, after finishing up our awesome cross country clinic lesson** and discovering my horse had thrown a shoe during the course of the ride... Well obviously I wasn't tickled that he'd lost the shoe, but I WAS happy to feel secure in knowing I had basically the right odds and ends to get him comfortable quickly ahead of the long trailer ride home.
(**it was a private lesson with Martin Douzant at Loch Moy Farm on their competition course, and it was ahhmazing. details to come soon -- it was hella lengthy ((nearly 1.5hr private lesson wat)) and I have extensive helmet cam footage of Martin's likewise extensive lecture, so I'll be sure to transcribe detail soon.... for now tho, for the intensely curious, the video is up on youtube and on my sidebar!!)
but!! my #hoarder tendencies paid off, and i had the tools for the trade!
Now sure, that magic cushion was of indeterminate age. And, as such, the lid was basically fused on at a molecular level and I literally had to stab the jar with scissors and cut the top off... Plus some of the gunky cushion inside had hardened and was no longer useful...
BUT! There was enough to at least get a layer covering Charlie's poor bare tootsie (which, as you may remember, is usually protected by a thick leather pad).
hurray for trailer-side wrap jobs
Plus the duck tape was definitely of the D-List variety. Not brand name, and not tough. Probably some shit I picked up after moving last year and just tossed in the trailer, figuring that in a pinch I'd at least be grateful it existed.
In this pinch? Yep, grateful haha.
back home again, the usual ponies + pig
Not that any of this stopped Charlie from being maximum pitiful on that bare foot. Again, tho, at least in this regard while I can't attribute it to my own preparedness, we were lucky that a farrier was already booked for the following day at our farm.
that side eye tho lol
Actually, our farm is so big that there are three farriers who come to the farm every week -- two on Tuesdays, and one on Fridays. Getting on the list is as easy as.... writing your horse's name on the board.
While most boarders have a specific farrier of the three that they typically use, it's understood that any of the three can handle barn horse's needs in a pinch. So lucky Charlie, he only had to be barefoot for <24hrs. Woot woot!
ooooh i also went SHOPPING!!!! dis our new "peace wand"
The last little silver lining of always #BeingPrepared for whatever happens in CharlieLand? Well. Obviously homeboy was the most sad on his sore tootsie, despite, ya know, being barefoot for less than 24hrs and managing to somehow not rip off any hoof wall even tho it was a fresh shoe.
So. Ya know. That's cool, bro, you can have a little time off.
and, ahem, "oh shit strap" -- also a spoiler for the lesson teased above LOL
Like, let's be real, we just confirmed your level of fitness by doing multiple runs at the hunter trials. AND. Again, can't stress this enough, the 1.5hr private xc lesson we just did (that I promise to write about soon). The horse is fit and fine and can deal with a couple days to rest that foot.
My preparation comes in the form of: having already taken a couple days of PTO so I could live and breathe all things Fair Hill International this weekend!! Starting with the Young Event Horse Championships on Friday (yesterday, omg, there's so much video cheesus christ).
also socks + belt bc obvi, who could resist??
So I actually get to indulge guilt free in all manner of horsey activities (like SHOPPING lol) while not actually riding my own horse haha, and turns out it's for the best for Charlie right now too. Win win, right?
Now you might think that most of the above can't really truly be claimed as benefits of "always being prepared" lol. But I'm holding strong to the whole "asspats" thing when it comes to giving myself enough time to get where I'm going, and occasionally having the right tools and supplies on hand to fill the gap when things go awry.
That's my prerogative, yo lol, and I'll take wins where I can get 'em. Anyone else recently had one of those lucky moments that could have gone bad, but it turned out you had exactly what you needed to either fix the problem or avoid disaster entirely?? Do tell lol...
Honestly tho.... At least in my situation, I tend to view most aspects of "attitude" as a choice. Obviously this has nothing to do with the chemistry of clinical depression, and I'd never ever ever try to suggest that anybody suffering from depression is doing so by choice. Bc... Yea, that's fucked up haha.
iggy is charlie's best friend, and when his mom was away for a few weeks charlie made it his business to make sure iggy stayed safe!! <3 he says, "i got you covered, iggy!"
But generally speaking, over the years I've adopted a personal philosophy that can more or less be explained by, "Don't complain unless there's nothing I can do to improve a situation."
So, in other words, before I let myself be consumed by wallowing in some vicious cycle of self-fulfilling pity parties.... Well, it's worth taking a moment to figure out whether there's a better way.
pictures are completely unrelated to today's post, and are all from a recent big group trail ride!
Not that I don't love a good wallow as much as the next person (bc let's be real, sometimes that's a very necessary indulgence in life...) but it can't be a permanent state.
do you recognize this barn yard?!? it's izzy's old farm!!
For me, wallowing has been a bit like... a nasty case of the "don't wannas." I didn't wanna horse show. I didn't wanna put myself out there. Didn't wanna be vulnerable, or expose myself to possible failure.
the farm backs up to the gunpowder falls state park and the trails are incredible
A lot of this I think stems from trying so hard to move up a level. The fixation on this honestly arbitrary measuring stick. And ya know, I do want it. But.... It's probably not happening this year. And actually? That's a-ok. It's just taken me a little while to understand that this one little realization was kinda holding me back.
i've been dying to get charlie over here for... .well, years now haha
Which is silly because I knew all along that setting big ambitious goals tends to have this effect on me. Remember - that's the whole reason I took a fresh approach to actual goal setting this year, so that I could focus on the component processes toward a big milestone such that even if we didn't hit the actual milestone itself, we'd still theoretically put together a year of happy horsing.
finally it happened tho!! and i still remember all the trails like the back of my hand
Those component process goals, in case you forgot, were:
1) Continue preparing for a move up to T 2) Organize necessary paperwork + memberships 3) Plan a thoughtful calendar considering favorable venues 4) Budget appropriately and realistically (and early) 5) Maintain a comprehensive wellness plan for Charlie 6) Invest in developing my skill set and toolbox as a rider 7) Focus on positive experiences and additive mileage 8) Be flexible and accept setbacks with poise, bc #horses 9) Enjoy the ride!
we've got some pretty decent space for hacking at charlie's farm, but this place is unparalleled
So, how did that all work out? Here we are in the final quarter of the year and I can honestly say that when viewed through the lens of these component pieces, this year has actually been pretty freakin spectacular. Especially that item #6 - investing in my own education as a rider. Yea, we've done a LOT in that department haha.
look at all these big wide open hills!!
Just going through and updating my "Events" page here on ye olde (poorly neglected) blog a few weeks back really helped snap me back to reality, out of my little sad sack navel-gazing doldrums. Because damn, we've actually done a LOT this year, and it's not over yet.
honestly i miss it sometimes...
I also recently rewatched the Purina Stories of Greatness: Boyd Martin profile video. Which like.... If you haven't watched it, you totally should. It's great on so many levels haha. One part really stood out to me in this watching tho - when Silva was expounding on all the shit that had happened to them, and yet they still kept fighting.
brief pause in the trail recap for the stories of greatness video link here
Like... Falling off at a horse show is barely even a blip on the radar for these people. Having to take two steps back in order to get one step forward is par for the course. That's just the nature of this game with horses. At some point, everyone who rides will get pushed onto a back foot and will face a choice on whether to stand down or fight for more.
aaaaaand back to the trails haha. ooooh looky, who remembers krimpet?!?
For me, this boils down to the small choices I make every day with horses, and the adjustments I can make in my attitude. Somehow my attitude this summer got a bit infected, I started worrying too much about how everything could go wrong, how I could mess up or make a mistake or let my horse down. And the fear of those unknown failures paralyzed me.... Made me feel like maybe it was better not to even try lest those worries become reality.
we actually had a pretty big and varied group
Turns out, tho, that attitude made me feel even worse. And the longer I went without putting myself back out there, the worse I felt about our prospects for doing so.
fun times splish splashing through the creek <3
So we're getting back out there haha. Gonna do some things. Have already done some things lol. Like the hunter trials!! Can you believe it had been since May that I had ridden any sort of full length course? We desperately needed to just get out there and run and jump.
emerging back up around the pasture lanes after a giant climb up from the creek bottom
Even doing it once wasn't really enough to dispel my feelings of angst -- I honestly did not want to go a second time and kept trying to come up with excuses to bow out. But thankfully I didn't bow out, and we did the second run, and it was even better. THAT is the feeling I need to hold onto -- not the perpetual worry telling me, "Hm, maybe this isn't a good idea..." but that feeling of happiness that can only come after the deed is done lol.
and returning back to the barns after such a pleasant jaunt out. this was basically charlie's best day ever haha
I also went ahead and sent in entries for a couple more horse trials this year. Which... Ya know, obviously anything could happen bc #Charlie is the #KingoftheDings. But I'm getting excited about it, getting pumped up haha.
can you imagine having nearly 50m of climb right out your barn's back door??? no wonder it was always so easy to keep our horses fit there!!
Fall is my favorite season for riding, so why not try to put together a fun little schedule to finish out the year?? Plus I have basically the best horse in the world, shouldn't I be out there enjoying him?? Yes, the answer is yes haha.
So that's what we're gonna do. Even if it takes a friggin taser to keep my recalcitrant ass marching forward. Anyone else out there trying to turn the proverbial leaf before the year is out?
