Review: Shires Arma Tail Guard + Bag

Brace yourselves for a metric buttload (lol puns) of pictures of Charlie's rear end. Because today I want to talk about the latest piece of essential equipment to join the team: the Shires Arma Tail Guard + Bag.

charlies face in this pic kills me lololol
pictured: just the tail guard, notice the bottom closure strap has externally facing velcro too

First, the Problem: Like many horses, Charlie will often, ahem, relieve himself while riding in a trailer. Usually multiple times. We're talking a veritable mountain of manure.

Plus, ya know, he's a big boy for even my over-sized trailer - and he frequently leans into the back bar of the trailer. Which, to give you the straight poop about the situation, means that after even only a moderate length trailer ride, his tail is absolutely saturated with schmeared shit.

like so.
pictured: the problem i want this tail bag to resolve

This obviously poses problems if you're arriving at a competition with minimal time before having to enter at A.

Tho... the absolute worst is going to a destination xc lesson or clinic or something, and trying to get studs in without being swatted across the face and body by poop dreads. Those greenish brown streaks reeeeally aren't the kind of flair I'm going for with my #rootd, ya know? And you all wonder why I wear dark colored breeches so often LOL...

sorry not sorry for posting a pic of charlie's other brown eye, exactly 3sec post poop. #dealwithit
the nylon sleeve attaches over the external velcro of the neoprene guard, and protects the whole length of tail in this exact situation

I've tried a few different solutions previously, with disappointing and/or messy results. So after seeing a friend use an older version of the above tail bag, it seemed to be worth a shot.

Details: This tail guard + bag shipped from the UK, and took a couple weeks to arrive. It cost just under $30.

behold, my hi-tech, state-of-the-art tailgating deterrent system

It arrived in two separate pieces - the guard and the bag.

The guard is made of a thick squishy neoprene with a rubberized inner surface. This adds grip to prevent the guard from slipping down the base of the tail. It also has an extra gel-like pad that extends up to the very top of the dock.

Four velcro straps make up the closure, and the whole thing is squishy enough that I think you'd have to make it prettttttty fucking tight to even slightly risk compromising circulation in the tail.

everything appears to still be in place after the ~30min trailer ride!

The bottom velcro closure strap also has velcro on the external facing side, which creates the connection point for the second component -- the bag.

The bag is basically a big long nylon tube that's open on both ends with a fairly wide slit and velcro at the top. You stick your hand up through the tube from the bottom as if you were doing a rectal exam, grab the tail, and pull it smoothly through the nylon tube. Then adjust the velcro at the top such that the slit (which I guess exists to make this process easier) faces away from the poop factory.

clean tail underneath! without any of the crimping you'd normally see with a tail braid!

It's easiest to put on the horse in two stages - first the guard, then the bag - rather than trying to do it all at once. I put the guard on right before the horse goes on the trailer, and then attach the nylon tube once he's loaded. The idea is that he's less likely to swish it off once he's already on the trailer. Maybe? Idk.

Because honestly my biggest concerns were first: over-tightening the guard on Charlie's tail; and second: whether the guard would stay in place or slip down to be lost on some anonymous country road in rural Maryland.

all that mess would normally be smooshed into my horse's tail. instead, i can just hose it off the guard!

So far, tho, it's stayed put. AND, it's kept Charlie's tail completely dry and shit-free. There isn't any absorption through the material -- not even any wetness or seepage. The tail comes out glossy, dry, and shiny -- without any of the crimps or weirdness you sometimes get from braiding. Plus, the guard actually seems to smooth it down a little bit.

As for cleaning the guard, couldn't be easier. I literally just hose it off haha. It dries quickly and somehow doesn't seem to attract or cling to any dirt or debris.

So.... Overall, I'm actually pretty pleased with this solution. Charlie has an absolutely gorgeous tail and I'm excited at the prospect of being able to show it off straight out of the trailer vs spending any time cleaning it up first.