That's not to say that I can't or won't 'fly by the seat of my pants' or take risks or be impulsive. But even then, there's a certain degree of calculation, a certain amount of expecting the unexpected. Does that make sense? Idk. Anyway.
|here's an unflattering picture of the most handsomest Charlie, chosen specifically bc it's outside on a pleasant day after we've had SO MUCH RAIN OMG. all other pictures in this post will be variations of brown. kinda sorry 'bout that...|
All this to explain why this year has been a bit rough for me on a few different levels. As you may recall - I accepted a new job in April. That might feel like light years ago (esp in internet world where time is an entirely different speed), but it still feels brand new to me. It continues to be an adjustment. Positive? Yes. But still an entirely new rhythm.
|why yes that's a big truck that pulled into the aisle behind charlie while he was cross tied. and that also continued to creep forward as it went through the stalls. in case you were curious, charlie gave no fucks.|
From breaking my leg last fall, to getting back in the saddle in January to lay down some of Isabel's and my best ever jump courses together. Then suddenly the wheels began falling off in March, and everything basically ground to a complete halt (literally, ugh) in May.
|same story for the leaf blower they use instead of brooms here haha. fun fact: this leaf blower was in full action the day charlie moved into the farm. he cared as much then as he did for this picture: ie, not at all.|
As a self-described creature of habit, it's been challenging, to say the least, dealing with this volatility and lack of consistency.
It's been a struggle to find that pure and uncomplicated joy in riding and horses, given how much energy went to just logistics and locations and lessons and all of the details associated with securing saddle time with someone else's horse.
|sweet slobbery facec!|
|some days it's quiet and empty (charlie happens to be staring directly at his stall lol)|
|other days it's busier! charlie's the same no matter what tho - even graduating to the babiest of baby cross rails!|
I know it's right bc I spend my free time day dreaming about exercises to work on, topics to address with Charlie, how I might start laying down the fundamental blocks upon which I'll build a new eventing partner from the ground up. And then when we actually get to work, I can see the difference. I can see the partnership actually grow.
|game for hay and game for extreme face hugging Austen-edition.|
I don't expect perfection - I don't expect every ride to be rosy. It's going to be a slog sometimes, and maybe ugly other times. Charlie only has fewer than 15 rides post-track life, all done by me. That pretty much guarantees slow-going. This is horse training, after all.
|and my barn has swans too. bc why not.|
And I leave the barn every day with a giant smile. Bc I'm finally feeling settled again. This day-to-day aspect of horses, the regular groomings and the tack cleaning and the hand grazing and all these little quiet moments - I've missed them so much.