putting in what i want to get out

We all know that a truism in horses, as with life in general, is that you get what you give. In other words, you get out what you put in. Garbage in, garbage out. Guts in, glory out. Etc etc etc.

This doesn't always prove true, of course. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes we work our butts off and do everything the "right" way, and things still go badly. Which like... really sucks. And is so disheartening. And depressingly common in horses. They are fragile animals and this is a hard sport.

panoramas from moving horseback are hard, so instead i knit two separate pictures together. charlie loves being the filling in this mare sandwich haha

Generally tho, the reverse almost never happens: wherein we get something for nothing. There is no "lottery" in horses, where you can buy that elusive winning ticket and be set for life. Unless like, I guess if you actually *do* win the lottery and can afford to buy the nicest horses and keep them in full training with the best professionals money can buy.

But ya know. The odds being what they are, it's a safer bet to accept that we are the drivers of our own horsey destinies, whatever may come.

sunset hacking is fun too

And as such, as the driver of my own horsey destiny, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on what that means. What matters the most to me? Where do I want to go? How do I define my happiness in horses? What does that mean on a day-to-day basis, and from a more long term perspective?

Everyone's answers to these questions are obviously extremely different. Which, naturally, is one of the most amazing things about horses: there are so many ways to enjoy them.

esp when joined by friends! one of my favorite things about this barn is that there's almost always riders around who are game for a hack through the fields!

For me, personally, I've identified my journey and progression as a rider to be one of the most meaningful and rewarding aspects of my horse habit. I don't necessarily want to be the "best" rider, but rather be the best I can be. If that makes sense haha.

The underlying assumption is that horses just in and of themselves are an important part of my life. My day to day life is better for having horses in it. Even just the time I spend in the company of horses - just those quiet in-between moments - has the power to be a refreshing boost to my mood. Something tells me that many, many of you feel similarly haha.

esp when there are new baby ottbs to introduce to the water! Cherry was such a star!

So in short - I'm a horse junkie whose driving force is improving my skills in the saddle. I also happen to really really enjoy horse showing. Like, horse showing is literally one of my favorite things and is simultaneously an excellent measure of where I am as a rider.

I love the entire emotional cycle. The vague intangible build up of anticipation that begins with penciling in a date, sending in an entry. That gradually expands in the weeks of preparation: the schooling rides and tack cleaning etc. Finally reaching that visceral crescendo of arriving on the show grounds, swinging into the saddle, and riding. And, of course, what is hopefully a sweet release of riding your best and giving it your all. Then settling down to relax (and possibly get a little drunk) with your friends back at the trailer / tailgate.

That, to me, is an aspect of horse sports that I adore. Just adore. It's so fun. Naturally tho, an important part of that cycle is the whole bit about "riding your best, giving it your all." That's the release, right? That's the part where all those endorphins come rushing in.

often our hacks follow dressage schools, of which there have been a few lately. this simple cavaletti exercise that brita set up has been surprisingly versatile! in addition to the three circles that can involve just one or both cavaletti, there's also the option of serpentining through with changes of bend happening over each cavaletti

Because it's kinda hard to get that euphoric sense of accomplishment and fulfillment after a ride that made me feel like shit, right? Ask me how I know....

Not that I care very much about winning, personally (and I don't). Rather, for me, I want my rides in competition to feel like reasonably accurate demonstrations of my and my horse's current level of training.

I'm a pretty mediocre rider, and Charlie's a green horse. So that's usually a reasonably attainable bar for us. Like our recent performance at Loch Moy was riddled with mistakes, miscalculations, and misjudgments. Mostly on the part of the rider.

I'm cool with it tho, bc that's basically where I'm at as a rider. I make a lot of mistakes, and my green horse will reflect those mistakes. Luckily, it's pretty easy to pick apart how everything went to identify areas where I can try to do a little better next time. So I got to enjoy all the highs of that experience, while also figuring out how to improve down the road. Win win, right?

ooooh we did a few jompies too! this horse is such a prince

Now, the onus falls on me to make good on that. If I go out to the next show and make all the same exact mistakes and errors again.... well, then that starts getting really frustrating right? So that's where my main goal of improving my skills as a rider comes in. That's where we get to the day-to-day aspect of all my horsey hopes and dreams.

For Charlie's and my purposes at this specific juncture, there are two main areas I've been addressing in our schooling rides.

1) Experimenting with bitting (or lack there of) over fences to clarify my aids to Charlie when he may be otherwise distracted by OMG GO FAST GO JOMP YASSSSS. ahem. lol.
- and -
2) Being more consistent and accountable in my dressage rides so that Charlie doesn't constantly have changing expectations and moving goal posts.

gosh he's fun <3 this jump was off a nearly C-shaped six stride bending line. homeboy nailed it

The jumping part has been fine, really. We're kinda at a place where I don't want to jump a ton, but want the schools we do to really count. Charlie knows his job, and I'm finally feeling pretty comfortable again, so we just need to refine.

We've jumped a couple times in the hackamore and I really like it. Except, one big issue: It's not sufficient for warming up. Sure, plenty other riders out there might say that good dressage and good flatwork shouldn't rely on a bit to get the job done. But, for me? For my skill set and abilities? Yea, I need a snaffle to get the horse really working haha.

Warming Charlie up for jumping is all about softening and flexing his topline, getting him more supple. He's not a naturally soft horse, and often needs some convincing to lift his back or push more from behind, vs just shuffling around. And it's best for everyone involved if this "convincing" happens before we actually try to jump things lol.

So there's still more experimenting to be done here. I've got lots of ideas tho!

pictured: half halting with the help of a hackamore lol. i actually really like the feel of this bridle for jumping!

And in the meantime, I've been really digging in to our flat work. Trying to be really consistent in what I ask for, how I ask for it, and what I accept as an answer.

If on one day, I'm cool with Charlie jogging around disengaged with his nose poked out, but the next day want him really pushing and round? Well. He's going to be a little bit unclear about whether he really has to work that much harder.

Considering he isn't exactly the most naturally gifted dressage horse to start, it's easier for everyone if I can just say, "Charlie when I apply my aids like this, the answer I'm looking for from you is that. Every time, always." So I can just focus on my use of aids (like fixing my whack position, nagging legs, too-backward while simultaneously too-unstable contact.... the list goes on forever!) and Charlie never has to guess about his job.

esp when the half halts go through and we get clean jumps!

I've been using a lot of cavalleti lately in this effort. They're so helpful for me because they create physical and visual landmarks in terms of keeping me honest about how much bend I need, while also giving Charlie a place to go that isn't just me constantly kicking him on to .... somewhere.

The exercise a few pictures up was particularly helpful, plus easy to set up. The turns are hard for us tho. It's a challenge for me to get Charlie more engaged and pushing off his hind end, so he ends up feeling like his shoulders are super stuck and nearly impossible to push around the turns. Which, incidentally, is possibly why we often get the comment "Labored" on our dressage tests lol...

and careful balance through the shortened 30' two stride!

The cavaletti are also useful bc I'm trying to be more disciplined in expecting Charlie to move off my leg. No more slug trot for a couple laps while we warm up! I want more responsiveness. Charlie has been resistant to being driven forward since basically day 1, but we work on it. Aiming him at something helps a lot tho haha.

We started playing with the faintest ideas of lengthenings too! The kernel being: create a bigger trot across the diagonals, then transition clearly back to a working trot. It's tough bc Charlie doesn't understand it yet, or have much flexibility in his trot (we also have basically zero compression in trot). He either wants to canter, or get strung out and trail/trip with his hind end.

There were a couple really good moments in a recent ride tho where he stayed round and gave the briefest most fleeting feeling of that "thrust" off the ground that was so easy for Isabel. So it's fun to play, especially if it reinforces the idea in Charlie of developing different gears within his gaits. We'll see!

also unrelated: i added a snap between buttons on my show coat. i'm a very amateur seamstress so this involved making stitches on the outside of the coat, but they're not visible from very far away. and the snap completely resolves my pet peeve of extreme gapping between buttons!

So, ya know. We're chipping away at it. I have goals, hopes and dreams. Things I want to do with horses. Fun I want to have. There's no rush, tho, in anything. Rome wasn't built in a day, and enjoying my day to day work with horses is just as important, if not more, as reaching those big ultimate goals.

I enjoy this process of learning tho. It's rewarding when something "clicks" - either for me or the horse. Like realizing Charlie's finally at a point where he's pretty freakin well-schooled to 2'9 course work. Or like trying to teach Charlie lengthenings, as a rider who has only ever done them on a horse who was freakishly gifted at them. We're figuring it out and it feels pretty cool!

Plus all that stuff about loving horse shows: getting out to do the things, having that culminating moment where the work pays off. I won't get that feeling without any of the actual work, right? So we put in the work, put in the time. And hopefully I'll eventually be a better rider for it.

Do you ever go through similar thought exercises of really thinking deeply about your ultimate horse goals, and how they play out in your day-to-day rides?

I know everyone has wildly different goals, and defines their happiness with horses differently, but perhaps you feel similarly to some of the above? Or perhaps it's less about the goals of tomorrow for you? That enjoying your horse here in the moment is what really counts? Or just seeking a balance with all of life's other priorities and callings? I'm all ears!