adding to the count (+ perspective)

LOTS of media to share from our rides this weekend - but it's mostly in the form of huge chunks of raw unedited video at present, so please have patience while I transform it all into something more easily consumed!

Things went more or less to plan this weekend. Kinda. Actually maybe kinda not. We ultimately decided to cancel the planned dressage lesson with trainer C on Sunday, after an intense workout clinic Friday and xc schooling on Saturday.

As much as I wanted to see C, it was just too much. I was tired. The mare was tired. We were both sore and a little battered haha. There will be better opportunities later.

couldn't have asked for a nicer day tho

Cross country schooling was alright. Just ok, really. Well. Realistically it was fine for what it was, but I perhaps need better perspective, considering this time last year we were just starting to gear up for our season debut at Intro (before getting shut down with a quarantine, womp womp).

We went back to the beautiful AOPF - site of a couple lessons with Dan. Meaning I had a pretty good idea of which fences to work over and how to string things together.

I'll have all kinds of details (and media!) later - but suffice it to say that I'm really struggling with nerves and confidence right now. Idk. It's just hard. I only fell off once tho (and landed on my feet! #winning) so I guess it's not that bad... Isabel was mostly pretty good tho. She jumps the jumps. Mostly.

mare went into hiding to avoid being shoved onto the trailer yet again lol

As mentioned, the dressage clinic with Grant Schneidman was great but I'm actually STILL sore from it... so presumably Isabel is too? It was one of those lessons intensely focused on the rider rather than the horse. I'll have lots of good stuff to write about it, tho I'm not sure how much will translate to riders not named Emma.

"SOS!! somebody plz to rescue me!?!" - isabel

Part of me wants to hyperventilate a little bit about a series of rides that very effectively highlighted my weaknesses as a rider. I'm trying REALLY hard not to tho.

Like I said - it's all about perspective. Last summer / fall found me riding at a higher level than ever before - in competitions and at home. I had never been stronger as a rider, nor more confident. Sure, there were still plenty of mistakes (probably there always will be) and I was still pretty nervous about the move up to novice - low level tho it may be for other riders.

But generally, it felt like I was at the top of my game. Like I was locked and loaded and ready to tear shit up with Isabel. The possibilities were endless and it felt really really good.

isabel sees goats. and maybe dead people too.

And a huge part of the pain and disappointment with breaking my leg was losing that feeling. Yes that's a little overly dramatic - I was only laid up for about 12 weeks. But that's just how it felt. And I'm realizing now - five months after the injury - that I'm still not fully recovered. I am NOT the rider today that I was on the day I broke my leg. Physically or mentally.

So I still have to come to terms with this. And it's going to be ok. I have great trainers, so many amazing friends who have dealt with their own shares of setbacks, and obviously, an incredible horse in Isabel. Everything will be fine.

But damn, sometimes I wish it were a teensy bit easier!