step by step

It’s almost five weeks since Doozy’s little ill-advised misadventure, and… not gonna lie, it seems like FOREVER.

quality grazing time

Presumably everybody feels this way, but I just *hate* having a horse on stall rest — it makes me feel unbearably guilty and sad for them to be cooped up in a box all day. Like, sure, academically I know it’s for their own good, and that horses are amazingly resilient — far more so than we often credit. 

but why graze on lush grass when you could snarf around the drainage ditch???

But still. One of my main personally quirks charms is turning myself inside out, torturing myself over the littlest details of managing my stall-bound horse’s care… So for the first couple weeks of Doozy’s recovery, most days I was out twice a day for hand grazing, cold hosing, re-wrapping, all the things.

built up to an hour or two of this a day

It was an absolute mercy when my vet cleared us for increasing hand walking to prepare the horse for returning to normal turnout. 

which naturally led to shorter bursts of more intentional walkies

Tho. Lol, those of you who maybe remember Doozy’s earliest days might recall that… she’s not reeeeeally the world’s greatest hand walker haha. 

and farm explorations lol… i call this “reading the news”

Idk if it’s just bc she’s got such a big walk and gets annoyed when I can’t keep up with her, or if it brings back memories from walking around the track paddock before a race… Idk. Whatever the case, she was a handful and I was eager to graduate to the next step!

and eventually!!!!!

Still, tho, not gonna lie… I was just… Ugh, SO NERVOUS to turn her back out again. 

released back to her friends! quietly pretending that she *didn’t* just give me a heart attack running around like a loon

And even with all the trazodone and all the hand walking and all the preparation and all the things — she still ran around a bit anyway. Fortunately her pony friends only really played for a minute, they’d just had a rested section of pasture opened for them with fresh spring grass, and ponies gotta pony, right?

properly blanketed after the heat of excitement had passed lol

In the spirit of full disclosure (mostly bc the blogosphere is so empty now that perhaps even the trolls are gone?), it probably took me a full week to breathe, let alone release anxiety about whether I’d made a terrible mistake turning her out so soon.

in her element <3

The leg DID swell back up a bit for the first few days she was back out. But my vet reassured me (again and again and again, she has the patience of a saint with all the panicky texts / pics I sent!) that she wasn’t worried and to stay the course. It helped that Doozy stayed sound, too, and after a couple days the swelling was gone.

still bored and demanding tho

Idk what, exactly, I was waiting for to start tack walking, either. We had my vet’s blessing, but I was just super worried that, ya know, it’s not like I can guarantee a “nice quiet walk” with this horse, right?

It was Doozy, however, with her sweet and demanding engaging ways, who ultimately convinced me it was time. Every time I turned her out after another nice little grooming session, she’d stare incredulously at me from the gate, like, “Really tho? That’s it??”

but then!!

So. Fine! Let’s do it!

tack walkie grazies!!!!

It’s funny bc I threw on ALL of Charlie’s old tack — his l’Apogee jump saddle + his nice Millbrook Freedom Bridle hackamore — but the feeling of being “home again” was allllll Doozy.

my best pictorial representation of a deep restorative exhale

It turns out, after nearly 3 years together, this horse really is well and truly mine. And, for better or worse, she knows I’m hers too.

love it when barn mates grab shots of us just prowlin’ the grounds lol

More than a month out of work, and I threw a leg over to go hack the back hay fields (obvi with lots of stops for #snackies LOL) with my best silly little biscuit.

happy trails home again

Sure, she’s a wild and chaotic animal and there are very valid reasons why I always ride her with a neck strap LOL!

she seemed quite pleased to be doing activities again <3

But she’s not mean, and honestly not even unpredictable. She is who she is, and she didn’t put a foot wrong (so long as you can forgive her ‘barely contained’ vibrating energy haha), and it was a LOVELY first little walk about!

“see?? i’m a good girl, i wouldn’t just run away loose like a maniac!! that was some other redhead!”

And I think we BOTH felt like we could breathe a little easier afterward. Doozy is that special kind of horse who likes being busy, she likes activities, doing things, going places. And sometimes I think a lot of her tension is rooted in that anticipation and expectation.

“that hill, tho, it… calls to me….!”

Bc after a ride, she’s always at her most serene, most calm.* And go figure, me too.

(*Excluding unfortunate incidences when trash cans attack, obvi!)

still feeling cautious, but mostly just optimistic!

I still don’t know exactly how the next few weeks will unfold for us — honestly a lot of that will be based day by day on how Doozy looks and feels. And presumably my vet can still expect a few more panicky or paranoid texts, let’s be real LOL!

One step at a time, tho, and we’re checking off some important milestones!!

jonesin for a fix

The events calendar is really picking up around Maryland — something about the month of May, there’s usually at least 2-3 different equestrian activities either day of every weekend.

another blingy dark bay!

I’d originally planned for our next show to be two weekends* ago, so this weekend was penciled in for getting an early start on volunteer requirements. Year end awards at both my local riding clubs require at least 8 volunteer hours specifically to the benefit of each club (vs hours logged at any random show). Esp with the DVCTA, whose hosted shows can be slightly farther away, this can take more advance planning.

(*Fortunately even tho my entry was submitted and it was post-close date already when Doozy had her accident, the secretary hadn’t actually processed the entry yet and let us ‘pretend it didn’t happen.’ So nice of her, and so nice to not be out that entry on top of everything else!) 

my poorly framed shot doesn’t do this sweet dressage court + judge’s gazebo justice, it’s a lovely place for a schooling show!

Last year I signed up to scribe the morning shift at a dressage show without checking the address first, only to discover it was a nearly 2hr drive from home, oof. It all worked out in the end, but I don’t want to have to do that again! 

Luckily this weekend a venue only about 45min from home needed a scribe for the morning. So I got to knock out the first 4hrs for the DVCTA, scribing for a lovely judge while getting to watch some extremely pleasant tests. Everything from kids on ‘been there, done that’ school masters, to adult ammies on beloved homebreds, to higher level contenders looking to put some polish on before heading out to a recognized show.

audited a fun local clinic!

And the timing worked out perfectly that I was able to cruise down the road right after to watch my new friend Murray and his person ride in a dressage clinic with another well respected local professional!

I’ve actually tried to ride with this trainer a couple times, actually had already secured a clinic spot with him two winters ago when Doozy’s weird hoof bruising issue first started and we had to scratch… He’s got a really positive and encouraging approach while also really focusing on correct posture and alignment in horse and rider. So it was fun getting to watch my new friends go with him!

ok ok back to that sweet blingy dark bay — meet Milliner!

After all that, tho, I admit to feeling a little sad and demoralized about the situation with Doozy. Like, part of why I love volunteering and auditing clinics and all that is that it’s just straight up inspiring, ya know? Makes me eager to get back to the barn and go riding, right??

Obvi I still went straight to the barn after to see Doozy, and we had a nice time grooming and all that… But you know what I mean. It’s not the same. 

not quite as blingy as Calvin, but still extremely handsome!

Fortunately, my barn manager was completely understanding when I sent her a desperate plea text later on, and one thing led to another, and the very next day I got to spend some quality time with lesson horse Milliner! 

I don’t know him very well, don’t really know anything about him, actually, except that he’s one of those sort of typical ageless TB geldings. And he’s got basically the best possible “if you’re going to be a lesson horse, this is the kind of lesson horse you want to be” gig. He’s slightly too advanced for the typical once-a-week lesson kiddo, so he doesn’t get used a ton. It’s mostly adult students who ride him (and ideally take leases on him) or good riding boarder kids if one of their horses is laid up. 

tried to get a majestic ‘look of eagles’ shot with the buttercups background, didn’t quite succeed LOL

He’s apparently in between leases at the moment, tho, and could benefit from more regular work. Tho, as I learned when I hopped on for our first little “get to know you” session, they really did mean it in the purest form. Milliner is a good boy, he doesn’t need any tuning, he doesn’t “need work” in the “needs miles” sort of way. 

Rather, just like any of us — actually, just like me! — it’s good to just stay in a routine. Sounds like a win-win, right? Here’s hoping haha. Our first little ride was lovely and low key and exactly what I needed <3

no ‘look of eagles’ from this one either … 

Doozy, for her part, is doing more or less quite well. I’ll probably do a more thorough update later… tho mostly just to get all the various pictures off my phone bc there isn’t a whole lot of actual ‘updating’ to do. These things just take the time they take.

poor bored mare… she’s so demanding!

And in the meantime, my sweet beloved little chaos engine is… Well. Chaotic. Literally not more than 3 minutes after I snapped the above little video, as I stood there rolling up her stable bandages, standing right there with her… she managed to pick the whole ass grooming bay mat up with her foot (knocking over the trashcan in the process, natch), spooked, broke the cross ties, and got loose AGAIN. 

Like. Mare. WHY tho?? Ugh, sigh. Fortunately she’s pumped full of trazodone, plus her best friesian friend was standing right outside the doorway hand grazing, so she opted to just stop and stand there all sad with her cross ties dangling, rather than bolt off into the sunset again.

ridiculous critter, glaring incredulously at a saddle pad drying in the sunlight.
“hOw DaRe.” — doozy, presumably

So ya know. Never a dull moment, I guess! The sooner we can get this mare healthy and back to normal, the better!! And in the meantime, it seems like some pieces are coming together to keep getting that saddle time I so desperately crave… Thank god for the Milliners of the world!

buncha big ol’ brown boys

It’s obviously been a bit quiet around these parts lately while Doozy works on just getting better. In the meantime, tho, I’ve reached out to a few friends and connections to see what sort of opportunities might be out there.

Shep!!! literally the sweetest lil pac-man* horse
(*will apparently eat literally anything + everything, including blanket buckles and rubber feed pans)

It’s a tricky subject bc I don’t really have a clear timeline for Doozy, and obviously I’m still spending just as much time with her as usual — just, ya know, slightly different activities lol. 

So there isn’t exactly a horse shaped hole in my schedule just waiting to be filled (or my budget, for that matter…). But ya know… I still want to ride. 

sadly no riding pics from our lesson together, but he was just as delightful and nicely schooled as Calvin below!

Tho, not quite in the desperate chaotic hustle of the summer between when things were ending with Isabel, but before I got Charlie. Idk how many readers would remember that, but I was definitely a bit desperate about finding horses to ride, potentially to lease or buy, but with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. 

I felt like I had something to prove after things went south with Isabel, and was determined to keep riding at a high level, keep jumping 3’, doing all the things, even as my riding frequency (and fitness) fell off a cliff. 

Murray!! in an absolutely drop dead gorgeous indoor surprisingly close to home for me

And as a result, I ended up falling off a bunch of horses and getting fairly well knocked around. Like, sure, I was also able to sit on some very nice horses… but the net result was a bit of a hit to the confidence. I’m… not super inclined to repeat that experience again!

it’s quite a handsome neck to stare at <3

Lucky for me, the universe has been kind and a couple really delightful opportunities have arisen: Primarily through trainer C, who took immediate pity on me when I tried to cancel our standing bi-weekly lesson schedule, and insisted that I ride her horses instead. 

Calvin!!

And another local trainer whom I’ve known for years connected me with one of her students, who also has a very nice TB gelding Murray, who could use a slightly fuller work schedule.

lots of pictures bc trainer C was kind enough to indulge me with some video <3

I got to meet up with Murray and crew to watch them go in a lesson last weekend, during which they let me hop on and try out all the gears. 

we all already knew that *I’m* the problem in cantering, but Calvin helped me as much as he could!

And with trainer C, I got to ride one of her homebreds Shep a couple weeks ago, and then her former campaigner Calvin more recently. 

flashy pony!

And it’s been super interesting (and fun!) sitting on these different horses! I’ve more or less been a “one-horse” kinda rider for… Ya know, about a decade LOL

“Goin sideways, ma’am!” — Calvin

And for better or worse, that “one horse” (well, two, but you know what I mean — one at a time) was picked up after retiring from the track, and restarted and trained exclusively by yours truly. 

I’ll be the first to admit: I can get a horse going, and I thoroughly enjoy the process of learning and growing together, with enough patience to be satisfied with whatever time that takes. 

“Goin lengthen, ma’am!”

But it’s just a reality that there’s kinda a limit to how nicely schooled my horses can become. Like, they’re never going to learn more than what I know, right? They’re always going to reflect holes or weaknesses in my own education. 

this horse knows his job and is happy to do it!

So it’s such a treat having a chance to take lessons on these professionally trained schoolmasters! Especially taking that lesson with trainer C, who knows the horses inside and out — to the point where she can observe from the opposite end of the ring that my outside leg (which, obvi, is invisible to her) is misbehaving bc the horse is tattling LOL!

wheeee!

It already feels super valuable in terms of things I can take back to Doozy when she’s ready, too. For example, on a schoolmaster, a correctly applied aid just… works. It goes through, the horse responds, message received. Less so, the incorrectly applied aid. 

Like with Calvin, hanging on the reins just produced a horse who was happy to lean in and be carried. Half halting by closing the upper thigh and sitting deeply, tho? Worked like a charm to rebalance.

we try, we try lol

Which was a good feeling for me — reassuring, in a way. Like, I *am* applying the aids, I *do* know how to have that communication and dialog with a nicely trained horse. It just may be that I need a little tuning, a little recalibration. And perhaps a little more trust, too. 

It’s easy on a schooled horse to give that full release and believe the answer will be had. It’s… less easy to have that same trust with Ms Mondeuse lol. But the communication, the dialog works for a reason, I just need to keep on giving her that chance to understand.

quick snippet from the end of our lesson

And anyway, I’m grateful for the video too, especially bc while some things look more easy for me posture-wise on a schoolmaster like Calvin, other issues are… more persistent LOL. C’est la vie, amirite? It’s still fun to watch, tho — video includes sitting trot, rising trot, both canter leads, leg yielding left, shoulder-in tracking right, and lengthen trot!!

grateful to be able to enjoy these special horses while doozy recovers!

Obviously, on the balance, it’s not exactly an ideal situation right now. I hate uncertainty basically as a rule, but we’re none the less just kinda in that gray murky unknown zone with Doozy at the moment. There’s not a lot of clarity on what to expect, and certainly not around timelines. 

So we’ll see, I guess. And in the meantime, hopefully these opportunities for enjoying rides on all these other lovely horses will continue!

show pics

One of the many reasons I love competing at Loch Moy is their show photogs are always super fast* at posting pics! Erin Gilmore Photography often has same-day uploads, which naturally means I’ve got my favorites selected & added to cart asap!

(*Tho of course nothing can compare to the GRC Photography days when they had a trailer legit onsite and you could buy a thumb drive of every single photo taken of you right then and there for $99…)

boss mare doozy blazin’ around like we didn’t just watch three horses in a row get eliminated on refusals

It’s so funny, tho, how our feelings about and relationship to riding images can shift over time… Or, as the case may be, in no time at all. These photo prints arrived the day after Doozy got hurt and… Ya know. Idk. There are kinda a lot of emotions wrapped up in all that. 

we match the jump!

On one hand, gratitude, obviously. Gratitude for the physical and literal recorded memories of what was, again, a very fulfilling experience a long time in the making with this sweet and sensitive little mare.

On the other hand, tho, naturally it felt pretty bittersweet. Like, yea, it’s taken us a long time to get to this point in our partnership, where finally it feels like we’re clicking along, doing the fun stuff, not too too terribly unreliable or rough around the edges…

ok ok so when it’s late and i’m tired and i’m browsing show pics on my phone and can’t decide between two close shots? eh, what the hell, at $5 each i get ‘em both!

But there’s still so much more to do, improve upon, learn, grow into, all the things. And that had kinda been my initial feeling right after the show, when I first browsed pictures. Like, oh yea — Doozy is jumping better, and I can see signs that this new bit is helping me commit to a more forward posture, altho there’s still more to do there. 

just clockin right on around!

And I was happy with how things were looking with riding around in Charlie’s saddle too — recall I’d been experimenting with it, with the idea of maybe replacing the panels to better fit Doozy. 

 

real talk, if i didn’t buy pics with awkward expressions, i’d have no pics at all!! LOL

Plus, none of the pictures look truly sketchy (if you ignore the weird emoji grimaces I make while huffing and puffing my way around cross country LOL!). Like, if anything, it all looks pretty ho hum and easy for Doozy, with perhaps some areas to improve upon for the rider, right?

look at us, jumpin the blue thing!

That’s obviously a perfectly normal feeling, and maybe even quite a good feeling when the next event is just another 3 or 4 weeks away. With Doozy’s uncertain prognosis, tho, there are maybe slightly less encouraging feelings like, “sheesh if it took us both this long just to look like that, where will a possibly long layup and rehab leave us?”

not the world’s most exciting photo, but proof we did better over the boat house this time around!

That’s horses, tho, amirite? Siiiiigh.

As it is, tho, we remain cautiously optimistic about both the nature of the injury itself, and Doozy’s chances of making a full recovery in hopefully fairly decent time.

not me, drifting right over a fence instead of left!

We had our follow up appointment with the vet last week, during which the vet actually recommended skipping the ultrasound. As you saw from the pictures, the leg was looking quite good as the swelling came down. Plus the mare was not reactive to palpations, AND — more importantly — jogged sound even after flexions. These are all very strong signs that the underlying injury is generally mild.

**not** stepping inside the ditch, thankyouverymuch!

Recommended next steps were to start peeling back layers of treatment — stopping NSAIDs and cold therapies (hosing / boots / etc), and weaning from wraps — and introducing more intentional hand walking. We’re monitoring the leg carefully obviously, but if we can get up to about 20min hand walking without seeing any meaningful negative changes, the hope is to get the mare back into regular turnout. 

hopefully not the last time!

I’m not exactly sure what will come after that — I’m honestly just trying not to overthink or over-plan anything at the moment, bc I basically have zero experience with soft tissue injuries. And let’s be real, with who Doozy is as a person, I can’t just plan ‘nice, low key, quiet rides.’ 

Like, if it doesn’t feel wise to let the horse run or leap around on the leg, then it’s probably not wise to ride at all. Bc… Ya know. She is who she is LOL. 

The vet is optimistic that if we can check off these boxes with carefully returning to normal, all without seeing any negative changes in the leg, then it’s possible the injury was primarily superficial vs structural. We’ll see, right? One step at a time!! Tho, I can assure you, EVERYBODY will be happier when Doozy is back out again lol!