to Baltimore, with love

Things in Baltimore are interesting right now. Some strange mix between déjà vu and.... pride? Like... not the sort of pride that comes with watching a baby take her first steps, but maybe like watching a kid finally ride his bike without training wheels?

I grew up here. This is my city. My dad also grew up here, and his dad. Third generation Baltimore City right here. And fucking proud of it. 

gettin crabby in baltimore a couple years ago with Austen and Megan

Baltimore has a long and complicated history, tho, all the way back to the Civil War. Partly for geopolitical reasons. Did you know the Chesapeake Bay is the largest such estuary in the United States? And the third largest in the world? Baltimore City's harbor has bustled with industry for a very long time -- particularly, steel. And obviously, steel was a fairly strategic and critical resource in the Civil War. 

If you've ever visited our lovely downtown neighborhood (like our awesome waterfront aquarium!), you may have looked across the harbor at a small green hill dotted with cannons -- Federal Hill. Called so, because, you see, Maryland is an interesting place. Again, geographically. 

camden yards - a beautiful old ball park if you're into that sort of thing

Technically, we're south of the Mason-Dixon Line, but fought with the North in the war. As with many border states during the war, sentiments were fraught and complicated. Baltimore, notably, was the scene of an alleged conspiracy to assassinate Lincoln en route to his inauguration in early 1861. A couple months later, Baltimore broke out in riots between militia units on one side, and antiwar protesters and confederate sympathizers on the other.

By the end of springtime in 1861, Union troops, under cover of darkness, occupied Federal Hill, overlooking the harbor and Baltimore's business district. There they erected a small fort and cannons, in order to guarantee (via implicit threat) continued allegiance of the city and Maryland to the US government. The Union army presence would continue through the duration of the war, and cannons still stand on the hill today as a monument.

looking over the harbor at dinner with Austen!

Historically speaking, Baltimore has a reputation for unrest, ya know? And in more modern times, that reputation has morphed into one of crime. Hit tv shows like Homicide and The Wire perpetuated these perceptions. 

I remember in high school visiting San Francisco and having a trolley driver jokingly ask me how many bullet wounds I have. Even today, folks who live out in more suburban or rural areas literally do not go into the city. If I had a nickel for every time someone said, "Aw I'm sorry" (in voices dripping with condescension) when I tell them I live in Baltimore... Ugh. 

But I do love this city. I love living here. The city has major problems tho. Leadership, corruption, management, crime... And massive inequality. 

when i was so proud of learning to parallel park my truck in the city!

Which... ya know... even in high school we understood. My friends and I (always a mixed group bc, again, Baltimore City Public School) would jokingly talk about getting pulled over, and say things like, "if you're white you're right!" -- an explicit acknowledgement that our black friends faced greater consequences for similar indiscretions. 

And I distinctly remember actually getting pulled over with my best friend one time in high school, and having police officers on both sides of the car shining flashlights on us, asking for my licence and registration. I didn't have even a moment's concern, and was just like, "Sure yea - Hey D, grab it from the glove compartment!"

that time i had rig envy walking around my neighborhood

At which point, I realized that my friend was sitting there staring dead ahead, stock still, not moving and totally mute, both hands palm down on the dashboard. Not even flicking an eye in my direction when I called her name. So I just reached across in front of her to grab the registration myself. At the time, I thought she was being ridiculous and overreacting. But... I've also never forgotten what she looked like in that moment. I texted her this weekend tho, and asked if she remembered that night. And ya know, she did. 

Years later, after college, my boyfriend at the time was browsing the mall trying to figure out what to give me for Christmas. He then noticed a woman wearing a beautiful sparkly bracelet that he knew I'd love, so he approached her to ask where she found it. Later, he recounted to me how -- although she recovered quickly and was very polite and directed him to the exact store -- she had startled and shown a moment of fear in her eyes when he first addressed her. He told me that he got that reaction just about every single day. 

historic fells point! one of the oldest ports in the country

I look back at my post about Baltimore's riots following the killing of Freddie Gray and... Idk. Maybe it was a missed opportunity. I was sorta newer to blogging and not very confident or secure in my voice at that time. So I wrote a cautious conservative post conveying my sadness at the events, without risking an actual opinion on the matter. 

I don't regret that post, and am not necessarily embarrassed by it, tho it does ring sliiiiightly empty bordering on tone-deaf. Which... is a shame. Especially considering how it compares to my thoughts on ICE raids, mass shootings, and the petty misplaced outrage against policies like Safe Sport, designed to protect our community's most vulnerable members. 

a shot from my apt window of one of baltimore's arabbers

And dear lord, it is nothing compared to the absolute FURY our comfortable coddled little horse community conjures against the likes of Marilyn Little and her godforsaken bit choices and horses with bloodied mouths. Oh the humanity, indeed. 

Have you considered that it's entirely possible people were so disgusted by Amy Cooper in NYC bc of how she handled her dog?! Never mind that the unfolding scene was basically something straight out of To Kill A Mockingbird. Never mind that at all, bc omg her dog. Also.... if you don't get that reference, go read that book again. 

these are historically black fruit cart operators that serve inner city neighborhoods with limited access to actual grocery stores (bc yes, that's a thing here)

Idk. These are strange times. In a way I feel like the protests and riots happening right now are in some sort of way the 'next generation' from what we saw here after Freddie Gray's death. Bc it almost felt then (and still feels now) that Baltimore's riots were basically kinda shrugged off by the rest of the country. Like, of course Baltimore would riot. Baltimore always riots. We're all fucking criminals and drug dealers and gangsters here anyway, right?

But... Minneapolis? The Twin Cities?!? How could something like this happen there? Right smack in the center of Minnesota Nice country??? In a way, it feels like suddenly folks are like, "Wow I guess maybe there is actually an ISSUE here, maybe the problem is REAL. Maybe something is WRONG. Who knew?!?"

I'll tell ya, tho. The people of Baltimore knew. 

my cats + some of my baltimore artwork

There's a lot of disinformation out there right now. Trust in our institutions has eroded to such an epic degree that... It's so hard to know what to believe. 

Different news outlets present such shockingly different perspectives on the same events that... depending on how you consume your information you will believe very different things about our country and its citizens.

more of my baltimore art - Hamden's 34th St, and the Stieff Silver building

Furthermore, in recent years there's been increasing talk of foreign interference and provocation. Divisions sown and exploited for political gain. And ya know. It's exhausting. It's so so so exhausting to not know what to believe or whom to trust. 

And it's really tempting to just want to bury your head under a pillow, and say, "Wake me up when it's over!" And ya know. I understand that. I'm no hero, I'm just another white middle class woman who has found herself basically insulated from all the terrible shit that's going on around me for... basically my entire life. Who am I to say a word about any of it? 

the ubiquitous "baltimore bird," always flying the skies

But... There's something to be gained here. And it starts with conversations. With listening. It's an opportunity to reach out -- especially to someone whose experience and perspective might be different from yours -- and ask what they're thinking and how they're feeling. 

Bc there are real problems going on and it will be an absolute tragedy if those messages and that suffering get lost in the shuffle by the very folks who seek to maintain the status quo.