winter's got me #triggered

Ok everybody. It's January. Like, Winter, and stuff. And a pretty cold, snappy winter at that for many regions of the country, particularly some states not accustomed to this sort of thing. (Colorado tho.... I'm not even gonna talk to you right now #notfair).

And I get it. Horse keeping in wintertime, especially in temps well below freezing, is a real challenge. Among (many) other things, the logistics of accessibility to fresh water poses huge issues. Pipes freeze and burst. Hoses freeze. Troughs and buckets freeze. Everything fucking freezes. But those horses are still thirsty and you can't actually drink ice, it turns out.

Of course there are other challenges too.... dealing with snow accumulation, icy pathways, and fingers so goddamn cold they feel like they might actually fall off. And that you might actually wish that they would hurry up and self-amputate.

So. Ya know. I get it. It's miserable.

this is charlie out in his frozen field. separated from me by frozen peaks of mud lying in wait to destroy his fragile hooves (hint: the muddy peaks are the ones with the bloody daggers). there were no survivors.

What I don't get is why all this crazy stuff is getting published lately spouting off about not just the inconvenience, but the actual straight up DANGER posed to our beloved ponies by the apparently murderous season known as winter.

I already ranted once about the heavy misquoting and disinformation spread after Dr Yates' fairly cut and dried synopsis of available research on the effects of exercising horses in cold temperatures. Cliff Notes Version: Neither Dr Yates, nor the research, ever said that it was inadvisable to do anything more than walk in temps below 20F. Anyone who tells you differently (cough, Kristen Kovatch, cough) either didn't understand, or didn't bother to read the full story.

But then I saw yet another Horse Nation post that just.... Got me all hot and bothered. I mean, maybe this is their tactic to keep us warm in cold temperatures?? But c'mon guys, quit it, already.

What, exactly, was it that triggered me to immediately screen shot the article and send it to my friends, ranting all the way about "What the fuck, have any of these people ever actually even seen a HORSE before? Or WINTER???"

these horses dared to frolic on frozen ground. they were never seen again.

Ha. Thanks for asking, let me tell you.

This time it was at least a sponsored post, rather than an editorial claiming to backed up by science (ughhhhh): "How to Outsmart Your Farm's Frozen Ground Hazards."

That's a pretty interesting topic to many readers right now. And I'm always down to learn about new #hacks for navigating winter's challenges. So I read it. It's basically a listicle, summarized below by yours truly:

HAZARD #1: Ice is slippery, yo! Be careful on that shit! The article advises salting or otherwise treating areas where horses won't be loose or grazing, but that's about it in terms of advice.

Oooh but there's a cute anecdote about the author's husband carrying 8 gallons of soupy mash on an icy pathway and falling down! Thus spilling the bucket of mash on his head! Omg poor man, giggle, the horror!!!

(Unless you're me and you get totally stuck on the idea of a single bucket that holds 8 gallons, while also calculating on your fingers that a gallon of water weighs roughly 8lbs, so 8 gallons of mash likely weighs at least 50lbs, and who the fuck carries a single bucket that heavy {what kind of bucket even is it, like a muck tub or something???} by themselves on a slippery pathway??? Drag that sumbitch, buddy, c'mon now! Work smarter, not harder!)**

Ahem. Anyway. I guess it would have been cool if they had other ideas for treating pathways beyond just like, salt or whatever, but still. Solid advice: Be careful on ice. Gotcha. Thanks Horse Nation for watching my back.


{**Ok I re-read it again and he is actually carrying multiple buckets, not a single one - probably two buckets making it easier to balance side to side. Mea Culpa. I like my imaginary version better tho so I'm rollin' with it. Kinda like how the rest of the article includes imaginary factoids. It's the season's hottest trend!}

that time we spread manure on all the walkways to combat the ice. pros: it totally works. cons: it's a bear to clean up.

Onwards!

HAZARD #2: Yo, did you know that the ground FREEZES when it's really cold out?? And that it freezes in whatever shape it was in when the cold set in?? Including freezing into ruts and hoof prints, complete with sharp, mountainous peaks?????

WELL. The author has news for you: "These points can cause hoof damage in less than an hour by jamming into a horse’s sole. They also put the horse’s hooves at an unnatural angle, which for some horses can put painful pressure on the inner hoof structure, and in others can strain muscles or tendons as horses stand or move with their hooves at different extreme angles."

LESS THAN AN HOUR, DID YOU HEAR THAT? OMG GET THOSE HORSES OFF THAT FROZEN MUD THIS INSTANT!!!

......Or. Ya know. Maybe the horses are probably fine? Maybe don't pull your horse's shoes right when the ground freezes, sure. But otherwise? Just bc you toss around terms like "inner hoof structure" and "unnatural angles" and "painful pressure" doesn't mean that most horses aren't pretty well adapted to, uh, the ground.

Those razor sharp mud peaks? Uh, horses can usually trod them down into flattish paths. Bc it's mud, it's generally still softer than gravel. Or the big stones and rocks a horse might encounter on the typical trail.

you might see a normal farmyard road. *i* see a path strewn with treacherous sharp stone peaks ready to damage my horse's hoof and make him step at unnatural awkward angles in a way sure to lame him forever!

Not to say horses just adore walking over these surfaces -- no, a lot of them will pick their way along carefully, or will maybe just be a little more sedentary in the field. But that's not the same thing as the ground literally injuring their feet. This isn't life or death, here - the average horse does not need to be kept from turnout bc the ground is frozen into a non-flat surface.

Sure, decisions on whether to turn out or not tend to vary by region - esp areas that have a more slick type soil like clay or something, I've noticed might choose to keep horses in when other areas might not.

My barn, for instance, couldn't turn out to certain pastures when those paths slicked over with ice after a recent storm. So.... they just put horses in paddocks instead. That Hazard #1 thing is real - ice is dangerous - but frozen mountain peaks of mud damaging my horse's hoof in less than an hour?? Or making my horse stand at awkward angles??? Uh. No. C'mon guys. My horse can stand awkwardly all on his own, thankyouverymuch.

But the article goes on...

these animals could have been saved. if only we thought to confine them to their stalls!

HAZARD #3: Now that we've established that the cold frozen ground is enemy #1 to your horse's precious hoof (remember, folks: No Hoof, No Horse!!!!), and that you are a BAD horse owner if you turn your horse out in frozen fields, this next hazard is that your 24/7 stalled horse is now at a higher risk for colic.

Meaning you better be out there all day every day hand walking that thing around (just avoid the frozen muddy peaks, yo) or your horse is gonna colic and die! (Those poor souls limited to strictly stall rest bc of injuries are just shit outta luck, unfortunately).

The article will even quote you stats on how much less domestic horses move around even in a pasture relative to their wild counterparts (while conveniently ignoring that said wild counterparts seem to do just fucking fine in winter too, btw) and that when you cut out that pasture time, the horses move even less.

I might suggest that you could avoid the whole "no turnout means your horse is gonna colic and die!" doom and gloom by just... ya know... turning the horse out. But what do I know!

these geldings are looking longingly at isabel bc they wished their people loved them enough to not subject them to those frozen muddy peaks!! but, don't hurt your eyes trying to find those muddy peaks and awkward hoof angles... i swear they're there - you just gotta look beyond the areas that have been flattened down by traffic. 

Anyway, finally we're left with the last gem:

HAZARD #4: Frozen ground is harder on your horse's joints. Esp older arthritic horses may have a harder time in these conditions.

The horses feel this especially when trotting through otherwise safe-looking turnouts. You know it must be true bc "the ground’s reduced shock-absorbing properties can easily be felt in the soles of your cold feet when you dismount."

That painful, shattering feeling in your cold feet? Definitely has nothing to do with your own body's circulatory issues in extremities in the cold. Definitely nothing at all to do with that. It's bc the ground has reduced shock absorbing properties. Try not to think too deeply about why dismounting on a paved road in July doesn't hurt as bad as landing on soft arena footing in January. Just accept that arena footing is less shock absorbing in January than that road in July.

So... the article recommends (jokingly, but still) that maybe everything would be better if we could all just move to Costa Rica!!! Which like, ya know. Yea, sounds great buddy. All those breeds native to temperate climates where winter is a real thing might be super eager to meet that elusive indigenous Tropical Sport Horse!!!

go riding. or the terrorists win.

Anyway tho, the sad thing in all this, to me, at least, is that the sponsor is actually selling a pretty cool product. It's this mesh grid type thing that holds gravel in place that you install under the surface in high traffic areas prone to mud. Thus creating a stable surface. It's interesting. Gravel works well on its own, sure, but if you've got the spare cash this is a neat upgrade.

But I can't even appreciate that bc I'm so #triggered by all this talk of MUD DAMAGING MY HORSE'S FEET IN UNDER AN HOUR and how I have to keep him in from that awful sharp mud --- Because apparently horses are just like those infomercial actors who can't figure out how to execute even the simplest tasks!! --- But then once he's stuck in his stall he's gonna colic and die unless I'm out there every waking minute hand walking him!!!! Unless - unless - I wise up, plan ahead, and install this miracle device in my pastures.

honestly it's amazing horses have even made it this far, from an evolutionary perspective 

C'mon, really???

I mean. Maybe I'm splitting hairs here, but this kinda shit just grinds my gears. Gets me hot under the collar. And for that, you get my second rant in as many weeks on people publishing dumb stuff about horse care in the winter.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who reads stuff like this and scratches my head???? I know there's a ton of crazy stuff going around right now, and everybody has their own (strong) opinions on what does and does not constitute good horse care....

But you gotta tell me that you find some of this stuff utter and complete nonsense too? Or maybe there was some other pseudo science or borderline ridiculous "life hack" you read recently that just about made you blow your stack? Like, what was the actual dumbest piece of advice you ever read or heard about horse care in winter? Or whenever?