doing it for me

I love this little equestrian blogging community for many, MANY reasons. Seriously. Just being able to participate in interesting conversations and interact with everyone has been rewarding in many unforeseen ways.

this is my horse. she is a very good horse.

But perhaps one of the biggest unanticipated assets of this group is the unique insights and observations everyone can bring to the table. We all really only know our own experiences - but by sharing these individual experiences, perhaps others can reap the same benefits or learn the same lessons or whatever.

she's kinda a badass horse too, eager to tackle new challenges

One recent post really struck me as I read it the Monday morning after my fairly demoralizing xc school at AOPF. Carleigh from A Yankee in Paris wrote about her first events of the season, and her thought processes behind choosing appropriate divisions for her horses.

Specifically, she wrote that her objective for the show was confidence building, NOT confidence proving. 

for instance, dropping down banks doesn't meet any hesitation 

For whatever reason, that really resonated with me. I ride and compete with Isabel because I love the thrill of it. I love the challenges, the partnership, seeing the progress as we work hard and invest in our shared education. And I love the rewards that come from galloping home across the finish line, bursting with pride and happiness.

she likes big jumps too

I do NOT love feeling constantly scared, or feeling pressure to do a thing because it's what we should be doing, or because it's what we've done before. I don't love the idea that progress is a one-way street - that every step back might be considered a 'set back.'

and real corners are just as fun as the faux variety

And, more than anything else, I do not love feeling like I'm doing something, anything, with horses to try to 'prove' anything to anyone other than myself. I want ride and compete horses for ME and my own personal enjoyment.

generally, tho, she's just a talented and very good horse

So. Back to that Monday morning, when I felt pretttttttty crappy from our recent schooling. And I could already feel the stress building in anticipation of this Sunday's event at Loch Moy, for which I entered the Novice division.

I read Carleigh's post and it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I emailed the show organizers (it just so happened to be closing day, conveniently), and asked that they switch me to BN. And immediately felt relieved. A little sad, yes, but mostly relieved.

she'll be ready and willing to get back asap, but she's just as happy to wait for me too :)

It's our first event of the season. Isabel is doing really well. Brita and Wick are doing really well. I'm still working through my demons, sure... but by dropping a level I can do my best to set us all up for success. And now I'm eagerly looking forward to the event, instead of experiencing any sinking feelings of dread or fear.

No pressure. It's supposed to be fun, right? We'll be back at novice soon - just gotta spend a little time rebuilding!