on patience and expectations

Alternate Title: Rider Attitude Dictates Ride Outcomes

Alternate Alternate Title: Turns Out Letting Go Actually Works. Who Woulda Thunk It.


Ha. Ok. So I started noticing some things after starting riding again last month, primarily as they related to splitting my time between the same two horses I had been riding previously (one for three years, the other for two months).

Namely: I was treating them very differently, and felt very differently about the outcomes of my rides with them. Specifically: I had some *terrible, no good, atrocious* rides on Isabel that left me threatening her with the glue factory. Meanwhile Bali could literally do no wrong.

And let's not forget here: Isabel is a well schooled, talented horse who has carried me to experiences I'd only ever dreamed of. And Bali is... kinda an asshole (but he's so cute!).

Luckily I didn't actually send Isabel to the glue factory (pretty sure I'd get murdered for even trying), and instead sat down and thought about what was really going on. And I think it's my old nemesis: Patience. Because goddamn that is not my strong suit... Ugh.

So Here's what I think is up:

Isabel:

• I've invested loads of time, energy, blood, sweat, tears, money, you name it, into building this partnership, and therefore have high expectations that Isabel to hop to it, chop chop. 
• But I struggle with rewarding a good effort when she gives an answer that isn't what I wanted. Or adapting my game plan to ride the horse I have instead of the horse I want on any given day. It feels like a personal affront, somehow. 
• Simultaneously, tho, I lack many of the tools to help Izzy learn, and frequently actually cause her misunderstandings or otherwise impede her ability to do the thing I want. 

Meanwhile, with Bali:

• There's no baggage, no history. But so much ear fuzz. Omg. The ear fuzz. <3
• So I have pretty low expectations for him and all the time in the world to wait around for what I'm asking to *click* for him. And in fact, I work much harder on being clear with my aids with him bc he's so green. 
• I'll also settle for mediocre (even when he could be better) and I don't get ruffled when he gives the wrong answer when the effort is there. 

There are some other differences between how the horses ride too that might be at play here. Bali is a very physical ride, but he's sensitive. I can physically *put* him where I want him, and he'll kinda just go "Huh, ok that's weird but whatever, I guess that's what we're doing now" whereas I absolutely can NOT manhandle Isabel lest I want a meltdown. 

Oddly enough, as a side note - This is how I finally kinda figured out the whole leg yield thing (and shoulder in). Bali allows me to move him around (mostly haha, he is kinda a resistant jerk sometimes, but recall I have infinite patience with him) such that I've figured out what works best for him, and then could refine that for Isabel. And ta da! Lateral movements! 

But anyway, the thing is, Isabel's my girl, ya know? We've kinda got a good thing going. And it's not really acceptable that this other impostor horse gets all my patience while she gets all my high expectations. So how do I fix this? 

'maybe try not being such a bitch. just a thought' - isabel

Possibly, just acknowledging that it's happening will improve my awareness while riding. Or at least that's what I'm hoping haha. I've been going into all of my recent rides repeating to myself : "be kind, be patient, reward every effort." And mostly it's kinda working. 

We also had another recent breakthrough while schooling that took me a while to figure out (and much texting, wherein Alli actually found the words to explain what was happening):

Isabel and I have been doing a LOT of stretching using the bio-mechanics techniques written about here. It's not very pretty nor very polished, but it works and dressage trainer C gave us her blessing to continue doing it. Mostly I'm doing it to develop strength and top line, and it has the neat side effect of improving Isabel's connection in the bridle. 

But the other night during our first below-freezing ride in windy nasty conditions, on new footing and near an umbrella that morphed into a horse-eating goblin, I used that same stretch-on-a-small-circle technique to prevent Isabel's brain from splatting right out of her damn head. It was a very short ride and we never left the circle. And Isabel was still white-eyed and tense even when I hopped off. But she stayed with me and I never lost my temper. 

I used the same tactic the next evening when we suddenly turned into a careening speed racer after cantering. Just back to the small circle and stretch stretch please. And it worked! It almost acts like a 'reset button' - somehow the stretching brings Isabel back to me, and simultaneously keeps me from losing my patience and laying into her. 

pictured: speeeeeeeeed racer

Austen and Alli noted that the "head down" position is calming for the horse, which makes sense and matches our experiences in these two rides. But it's more than that - really the whole point here is that *I* am usually the problem. Ya know, losing patience and escalating the situation. 

When I said that the stretching exercise has become my coping mechanism for not losing it, Alli observed that it was likely the act of physically letting go (which ya kinda have to do for them to stretch) that allowed me to mentally let go too. BOOM. "Aha" moment achieved! 

So. While I didn't exactly set 2016 resolutions, perhaps we should call this my New Year Intentions. Be patient, reward every effort, and when all else fails, LET GO. 

What about you - do you have anything that acts as a 'reset button'? How do you cope with the whole patience/expectations thing when a ride isn't going the way you wanted?