a lesson to learn, a day to forget

Today's show recap is going to be a departure from what you might normally expect over here at 'Fraidy Cat Eventing.

That was virtually guaranteed going into this event anyway, since I wasn't with my normal group (ie my friends who are the best at all things video/picture taking haha). Plus my trailer mate's dressage times were right on top of my jumping, so she wouldn't be around for pics anyway. Nbd tho, right? I can't have literally 8,000 metric tons of media for every single show, right?? Lol...

he's still pretty tho

Tho. Haha. It turns out I'm maybe grateful for the lack of pictures. Our day at Plantation Field was.... well, bad. It was a bad day. Not one for dwelling on or dragging out over the course of individual posts for each day, that's for damn sure.

lookin like a 100% goon ahead of dressage. already off to a good start! lol

It's a shame too, bc the horse has been feeling so so so good lately. Really really good. But then we had a shockingly bad ride the day before our show. In what was supposed to just be a straight forward flat school with maybe a trip or two through a grid for final prep.

It didn't work out that way tho. First we got caught up in a downpour that Charlie 100% noped out of. Then once finally out of the rain in the indoor, it was like I was riding a shell of a horse. Nothing garnered any type of response from him. The go button? Nope. The whoa? Double nope. Like nothing I did had any influence on him, but he was still kinda emotional about it.

i'm pleased with that free walk score

I tried to shrug it off, tell myself that one bad ride shouldn't be a deal breaker. That he's a good boy and he's been slaying lately. Plus I had already seen the course and pictures of all the jumps. Before that lesson, I was freakin pumped. This course looked like everything I could hope for.

After the lesson tho? Possibly some cracks started emerging in my mental game. Perhaps I may have let those sinking feelings of dread come sneaking in the back door. I.... had doubts.

finally got an 8 on his canter! that whole "nice attitude" part made me lol tho...

Dressage was not particularly inspiring, don't let those scores fool you. I was not at all very happy with the feeling I was getting from Charlie -- it was more of the same "shell" type feeling in the horse, like he wasn't really there. No try, no effort, no presence.

But I didn't really mess with it, didn't really rock the boat. I wasn't here for the dressage test on this day. So I guess we looked relaxed and steady enough to an outside perspective to squeak through with Charlie's new personal record in the dressage ring: a 30%.

Which is kinda ironic, imo. The judges were definitely a bit generous, and this score left us sitting in 5th place going into the jumping.

charlie was basically obsessed with his spicy little nugget of a trailer mate

We had a long wait before then, and even so I still ended up arriving in warm up a little early. Charlie was.... Not very emotionally at peace with the warm up area.

Plantation is a fairly unique venue: it's one giant hill, upon which all the main arenas are placed. Trailers and the dressage rings are down beneath one side of the hill, with cross country on the other. So the arenas right up on top have what almost amounts to a view of the whole world.

This was a tad overwhelming for Charlie and he felt pretty strongly that he belonged back down below, on the side of the hill with the trailers.

course meta data. the elevation profile is so bumpy bc almost all the jumps were situated on terrain

Warm up was sticky, but with a couple good enough efforts. The jump course itself was kinda more of the same.

It started off fine, tho we had a cheap rail at the first. But trying to get Charlie past the gate to jump 2 was a real challenge and we kinda biffed it and ended up adding both in the bending line and subsequent related distance.

Another jump in a roll back was apparently very spooky and we had a hard time getting over that.... Cruised down a line back towards the in gate just fine, but again got real sticky to finish on a 2 stride going away. In which.... bleh, Charlie added, taking that rail in the process.

Honestly it's kinda amazing we only had the two down.

this..... this is not a promising start, charlie...

I didn't love the selection of warm up jumps available for xc, but luckily with the help of trainer P (who had come out for my trailer mate but managed to scoot up the hill asap after her dressage test was done) we had a bit of a CTJ about going forward, and produced two really nice jumps from Chuck.

And he actually left the start box ok too. The course ahead of us looked really fantastic - the jumps were basically all smaller than we saw at Loch Moy last time, but the technicality was ratcheted up. Lots and lots of terrain. Three AB combinations (up bank, ditch, and bending line on a mound) plus a jump out of the water.

My biggest qualm with the course honestly was that the biggest jump was positioned at fence 2. Considering Charlie's kinda notorious for being sticky out of the gates, this felt like it could be a problem. But there was a fairly lengthy cruise to it, all going downhill, so I hoped I'd be able to get him past his grouchiness in time to push him up to the fence.

Alas, that was not to be. You'll see it in the helmet cam, but he was very very very sticky. Just cantering down the hill away from everything else. Not even aimed at a jump. Just straight up didn't wanna go in that general direction.

it wasn't all bad tho!

This did not improve on presenting to the fence and he just barely climbed over it. Kinda biffed the next jump too for good measure, tho it was on the small side at least. Then sucked back big time to the next jump. In his defense it wasn't tiny... but... it also wasn't large. And.... despite my full body efforts (the helmet cam is shaky, to say the least), bam. Refusal.

Represented and jumped it fine. Then same fucking thing at the next jump, except this time he ran out instead. And again jumped it just fine on second attempt. I was a bit flabbergasted, but was really hoping the next couple fences would help us get into more of a rhythm.

Next up was the up bank combination which wasn't really ideal, but somehow we made it through that ok enough. We added a third stride, but I kinda thought we might after walking it anyway.

i was so excited for this too.... oh well. some other day!

We had another craptastic distance to the brush table - bc, ya know, it's kinda hard finding distances when the horse is sucked back against your leg, and then got high centered on the most innocuous looking coop in the world.

Tho, I guess in Charlie's defense, the terrain was not totally innocuous -- the ground fell away rapidly down a steep hill immediately after the coop and I think Charlie took one look at that (half way over the coop) and noped right the fuck on out of that. I managed to not fall off in his mad scramble backwards over the coop, and.... Yea. That was definitely that.

I might be stubborn, but even I could see that our day was over. And that if I didn't walk away with an "R" we'd surely be ending up with an "E," or worse, a hurt horse. 

So.... Yea. Not a very inspiring day. Honestly I debated even uploading these videos but... well, the urge to document is strong with me haha. And there's usually something to be learned from the really really shitty rides, even if it's not really the lesson I thought I signed up for.

There are a couple initial thoughts here. On one hand, this was a pretty uncharacteristic day with Charlie. He's green and he's changeable and I never really know what I'm going to get leaving the start gate with him... but this didn't feel like my horse. Something I find deeply concerning.

charlie's favorite part is hangin at the trailers

On the other hand tho... This side of him has been present since day 1. He's been gate sour since the very beginning. Is always barn sour. We've had epic throwdowns about that. He's notorious for not accepting the pressure of being driven forward. I learned that about him in my second week of ownership.

A couple months into ownership, I wrote about how this side of him could easily turn into an issue of getting eliminated in dressage for disobedience, or of not being able to get him out the start gate on cross country. In short: it's a familiar demon.

sorry bud. we didn't come here for the tailgate. back up to the rings you go to exist etc while trailermate did her thang

While obviously step 1 in the fallout of a really shitty ride is always a comprehensive wellness check, I'm also trying to take stock of my approach to training Charlie.

My biggest focus has been keeping him happy in his work, keeping him fit and fresh with a lot of variety. Especially lately since he's been doing so well, I really haven't been pushing too hard into anything. Very brief, focused schooling sessions intermixed with lengthy hacks or woodsy trot sets. Honestly I've wanted to avoid anything that might make the horse more sour.

charlie by this point thought existence was some bull shit tho. he was what you might call a glass case of emotions. or a dumpster fire. honestly, homeboy was a hot mess.

I wonder if this has worked against me in some ways tho. That, by avoiding work that could lead to that sort of argument, I've actually been tacitly allowing Charlie to become a little more dull, a little more recalcitrant.

Maybe I thought that since he's generally such a good boy, and so reliable, I could just kinda avoid rocking the boat and cruise on through on the strength of his ability and eagerness. Except... Ha, turns out if the horse doesn't supply that eagerness himself and if I haven't actually instilled a certain degree of discipline in the training... Turns out shit falls apart real fast.

Here I was thinking if I just l left the horse alone and didn't pick any fights, he'd be able to cruise through this new level all on his own. Which... actually, uh, yea no. That's apparently not how horse training goes. Uh, my bad?

So ya know. That kinda sucked. Wasn't really the weekend I had hoped for. But maybe some important lessons were learned. Hopefully haha. The way I see it, just about every horse hits a pretty rough patch (or five) when learning to jump. Maybe I should actually be amazed it's taken this long for Charlie to figure out how to say "No!" in the first place? Idk. We'll figure it out tho.

pardon the interruption...

Thanks to Sara's Volunteer Challenge this year, a lot of us have been getting out and about more than ever to pitch in at local shows. I've always loved volunteering at shows bc let's be real, I plain old just love horse shows and enjoy being in that atmosphere even if I'm not riding.

And actually I baked volunteerism into my overall goals this year, planning to volunteer at a show in any capacity in at least 7 of the year's 12 months. And so far I'm on track!

i first noticed this potted cactus outside a neighborhood building on a side street two winters ago. i assumed it was dying - just a few fleshy segments that looked shriveled and mushy. much to my surprise, it revived in the spring and grew like a weed!!

It's been kinda tricky keeping track of the small local stuff, like my own barn's schooling shows this past spring. I should probably create a tag here on the blog so I could at least track it that way... And maybe I still will. Bc there have been a few instances like that.

Just by memory tho, I've scribed at two dressage shows (under two different judges, so two unique perspectives that were each pretty interesting and insightful). Stewarded the warm up at another dressage show. And ran the in gate at our schooling CT. Lots of fun stuff - esp bc I know most of the riders and horses at these home events.

it pulled through this past winter similarly, and has been growing ever since - but then SHOCKED me when it sprouted all of these bud-like appendages. could it be? would it bloom??

Tracking my hours at USEA events is obviously much easier, bc of the Volunteer Dashboard. And actually, it doesn't even have to be a USEA event to be listed there. Loch Moy, for instance, uses that platform for organizing volunteers for all their events, including USDF shows and unrecognized starter trials.

and this first blossom was just so beautiful

Personally I like the iphone app for the volunteer dashboard better than the online portal bc it's easier to see past signups and hours. And so far this year, I did bit check at Plantation's USEA HT, SJ in gate at MCTA's Shawan Downs, plus jump crew at an MDHT Twilight Event and warm up steward at Loch Moy's USDF Dressage Festival. Plus will be scribing again tonight at another Twilight Event!

and now the whole thing is erupting! 

There are a few serious advantages to volunteering, as far as I can tell. First of all, just the networking alone feels really valuable. The horse world has always been a small, interconnected place. Becoming more familiar with the local trainers, organizers, judges, and pro riders is useful for a lot of reasons, and volunteering is a great way to do that.

Plus in my experience, the horse community often recognizes and rewards hard work. Obvi that's not always true - I'm sure we can all think of examples haha - but for the most part, opportunities tend to open up for those who are already poised to act on them. Meaning: those who are already out there on the scene demonstrating a willingness to be helpful and useful.

they're so cheerful looking, right?

Also, for more personal reasons, I get a lot of value from volunteering at horse shows bc it grants me the opportunity to see riders at all levels prove themselves and their horses to be just normal mortal beings who work hard but sometimes make mistakes. I've gotten to see a lot - A LOT - of really amazing and impressive and inspiring riding lately. But.... also some less smooth rides. And also some reeeally questionable rides.

Seeing really good riders make mistakes humanizes the sport a little bit for me. Seeing kinda average riders getting around higher levels gives me hope haha - makes it seem accessible. And obvi seeing some of the more questionable rides at higher levels makes me more resolute that.... yea, I want to keep doing my homework so I don't end up being that rider too (tho, ya know, it could happen haha!).

so pretty!

So long story short, I've really enjoyed getting out and about more this season. And am seriously grateful for Sara creating the motivation to do so by her awesome challenge. Remember - there are monthly random prize drawings of anyone who logged any horse show volunteer time. And at the end of each quarter, the volunteer with the most logged hours gets a prize. So be sure to get your hours in to Sara! And you don't have to be a blogger either!!

Have you been volunteering this year? Or do you have any plans to do so? Do you have similar feelings about why volunteering is fun and useful? Or maybe you've had different experiences? Like I know some of you have kinda been sucked into the vortex of becoming a beast of burden for your local organization... which like, isn't always super desirable either haha.

How have you gone about finding volunteer opportunities? Do you use the USEA volunteer dashboard if eventing is your thing? Or are there similar platforms for other disciplines? Or maybe there are facebook groups or forums that have been useful? Let me know, I'm all ears!

keepin 'em guessing

Since my first full season eventing, spring has always been one of the busiest times of the year. We're all always so eager to get out after spending all winter in boot camp that it's easy to just sign up for literally all the things omg!!

we had a little trouble with this line, but when we got it right? charlie nailed it

True story: the calendar of events my friends and I sketched out for the first half of this year included seven (7!!) events on my wish list for April-May-June. Which like, is a LOT guys haha.

It hasn't worked out that way tho. I mean, does it ever? Charlie got off to a cracking good start at Loch Moy's season opener in March, but then popped* a splint in early April. Meaning I withdrew from the jumping phases at Full Moon Farm and then scratched from Loch Moy entirely a couple weeks later, choosing to rest the horse instead.

(*Colloquial term for general pain, heat or swelling in the area of the splint bone. Often an effect of blunt trauma, shoeing issues, concussion, some other interference, or even metabolic issues. Swelling can be in the surrounding tissue or even the outer layer of the bone itself. Some horses go lame but many do not. Charlie did not. Splints typically resolve on their own, and can be aided by anti-inflammatory medication, bandaging, and cold therapy. If you need additional help in brushing up on Basic Horse Injuries 101 and have trouble distinguishing this injury from a "broken" splint bone, I encourage you to pursue further reading here.)

hard to tell but this is a slightly skinny fence - maybe around 8'

In early May, Brita and I decided to skip Fair Hill's starter for a couple reasons. Brita was feeling a bit over extended (their season has been very busy so far!) and I felt like spending a long weekend ahead of time in Kentucky cut too much into my prep time.

But then the weather gods conspired against us, causing the postponement of a starter trial at our own farm. Incidentally, the trial both Brita and I had planned as our move up event. It seemed perfect, right? Our own home turf and all jumps we've jumped before! It was not to be tho...

sliiiiiiightly strung out going into the one stride lol

Instead we just pushed on with finally getting back out again for Loch Moy's final spring starter. Which like, we go to Loch Moy a lot. This farm is basically a home away from home. So it worked out haha.

Hopefully tho the rest of the spring will keep chuggin right on along without further interruptions. We've got one (mayyyyyybe two) events left on the docket before summer. Charlie and I are hoping to head out to another event next weekend - going along with a young lesson mate this time too. Should be fun!!!

made it out in good form tho!

So in the meantime, I'm still trying to find the right balance of schooling to keep Charlie sharp and feeling great, without making him too dull or tired. It means we do a lot of conditioning haha. In fact, Charlie's basically just been hacking and doing trot sets since Loch Moy last week, with the exception of one jumping lesson.

The lesson tho was a pretty great opportunity to check in on a few things. I opted to ride in my dressage bridle (with myler comfort snaffle, instead of the elevator bit on my jump bridle) for kinda unclear reasons. I think I was halfway feeling lazy about all the straps on that jump bridle, and halfway feeling curious to see how Charlie would be.

also a tad too gung ho going into the triple bending combination

Verdict? It is *not* my imagination that he's becoming more rideable and adjustable. I *can* bring him back into balance with my body and position without relying on a lot of leverage in my hands. So. Ya know. That's always reassuring haha!

On the flip side tho, the ride also kinda proved why an elevator bit is a good choice for Charlie right now. The mouthpiece of our typical jump bit is just a regular old aurigan KK. So when ridden off the snaffle rein, it's no different from a simple double jointed loose ring snaffle. It's extra power comes from the cheek pieces - the leverage they provide with poll pressure and curb chain when the curb rein is activated.

kinda skidding out a little over the jump haha - big horse wasn't steering super great this ride

This is a useful combination for Charlie since his tendency is to get heavy and low up front, plowing forward on his forehand. It's not out of naughtiness - really truly. It's kinda just how he's built, combined with years of going like a race horse.

He is developing in his training in this regard - as I was able to help him rebalance without the elevator bit. But the reality is that training is only half the issue - and the other half is strength. It's just going to take time for him to build the strength to hold himself more up in his balance.

We're working on it! It's basically the same issue in our dressage work right now too haha - the only difference is Charlie doesn't approach dressage with quite the same relish and gusto as jumping lol...

he's still so pretty tho <3

And this lesson was a phenomenal exercise in exactly that. The ring was filled with allllll sorts of interesting things, including some bending lines or unexpected turns that would help keep Charlie with me by making him guess a little bit about where the next fence would be lol.

Tho I'll note: the first thing to go when he's getting heavy and strung out up front is the steering lol. So it was good practice but also reeeeeally challenging for me! Luckily Charlie's a good honest boy and once he figured out which jump we were going to, he just up and jumped it.

i don't even know what this style of jump is called - basically a giant cross oxer with a liverpool beneath

The outside line of oxers was fairly unassuming, except it was set on a true 60' four stride distance. Charlie obviously has no problem hitting a 12' canter stride, but maybe *I* kinda do lol. I'm used to trying to collect or compress him, but then kinda go too far in the opposite direction when I think we need an open stride.

Charlie just needs the barest of a whisper from me to open up. Instead tho I kinda get a little too excited and am like OMG GO GO FLY HORSE GO! Which like, is not productive haha. I mean, Charlie happily obliges! But it's not generally super balanced and often results in awkward jumps and flying rails. Ahem. Oops.

ha. haha. see above comment about how we had a little trouble with this outside line....

So of all the exercises, the straightforward line took the most effort for me haha. Once we got through that, tho, there was a very cool line from a skinny vertical, then bending immediately at a somewhat acute angle to an 18' in-and-out.

Charlie's first pass at the skinny found him surprisingly not super committed. But the second time (during our course in the video below) he toooootally just blew right through me, then almost didn't make the turn to the one stride haha. Fortunately tho, he's got enough experience with one strides that the exercise was kinda able to correct him instead of me. Like he blew through the skinny and got strung out, but then adjusted and navigated the one stride carefully and correctly. I'll take it!

practice makes better tho

Then we went around to a bending triple combination of 3-to-3 strides. This is not really something I ever anticipate seeing in a stadium course at an event, but *is* the type of line that could show up on more upper level cross country courses.

Charlie was again a little too gung ho going into it - I had let him continue to be a bit strung out and was kinda relying on the turns to get him back together again. It worked just fine for these jumps - he's an honest boy and goes to the fences. But the distances were kinda tight and had these been skinnier fences requiring a tighter line (or, say, had there not been wings on the jumps) it might not have worked out so well.

charlie looks like such an eager beaver while i try to pep talk myself into not gunning it down the line lol

Last little exercise was a short turn vertical then loop alllllllll the way around to this bizarre liverpool oxer type thing. I opted to make my turn well inside from the rail to continue with the theme of keeping Charlie guessing about what came next. And in response he actually really came back to me in his canter and balanced quite nicely to meet the jump easily.

i love that he flags his tail tho when he locks on lol

Trainer P sent us back to clean up the outside four stride line once more just to really reinforce the idea in my own ride of looking for a pleasant, balanced 12' stride vs just running the horse at the jump.

Other than that, tho, it felt like a super productive school. I really really really like how Charlie feels right now about jumping, and honestly believe he's happier and more engaged with bigger fences. Plus it was oddly reassuring to feel like A) I *can* jump him in a plain snaffle, but B) the elevator still feels like the right choice for where he is in training.

ping!!!

So ya know. The horse feels good. We'll see how this week unfolds in terms of schooling rides too. Honestly we need a ton of work on the flat, obvi, but with limited time and a high priority on keeping the horse happy vs dull/sour, we'll see how  much I actually do in that regard.

Mostly I expect to be hacking and doing more trot sets in the woods. We both seem to enjoy that, and it's doing wonders for Charlie's physical condition and soundness. I might also try to make it out to the cross country fields at least once just to go up and down some banks, and maybe over a ditch or two.

It's harder now that all the gates are closed again and horses are turned out back there again.... But it'll be worth it to make time, I think. Even for my own peace of mind.

quick video of the jump course here!

Mostly tho I'm kinda hoping to stay in cruise control. And may or may not be eyeing the upcoming forecasts with suspicion and skepticism lol. Wouldn't it be nice to have one single show so far this season that wasn't some variation of extreme weather????

We'll see what happens, I guess haha. Is anybody else spending much time assessing the upcoming calendar? Maybe your season is only just getting started? Or you've also had to deal with weather issues or injuries or anything like that?

my white whale

Novice didn't break my leg back in 2015, but it might as well have.

Preparing to move Isabel up that summer was all-consuming. It was my first real year as an eventer and we were out there doing the thing. My horse felt like a million bucks. I felt strong and capable.

We systematically checked each box off the list: 3' rounds at a local jumper show? Schooling higher at home in lessons, including some crazy big xc fences? Flirting with second level dressage moves? Finishing our last two BN runs on our dressage score for second place? Check, check, check.

oh isabel and all her majesty, so much personality and spunk in such a small package!!!

My coaches were challenging us with every step, and I was determined to grow from each mistake. To learn what my weaknesses were, inside and out, so I could get better.

I was still absurdly nervous tho. Not fearful, at least. But the anxiety and tension, the uncertainty and creeping shades of self doubt.... It's insidious, ya know?

At the time, one of my barn mates actually straight up questioned why I would put myself through this emotional wringer if I was going to get so bent out of shape about it.

Which, ya know, that question surprised me haha. Of course I wanted to move up. I knew this was where I wanted to go, and that the feeling coming out on the other side would more than make up for all the anticipation and nerves.

I also knew that progress and personal growth are often decidedly not comfortable. That pushing the boundaries of my bubble meant experiencing some growing pains.

It helped tho that our first N was at a venue well known for being friendly, inviting and soft. Plus I was going by myself. Which may not sound like an advantage, but sometimes when I'm really tense or uncomfortable I'm best left to my own independent devices. So it worked out haha.

And that first trial run went swimmingly for us. Izzy laid down a beautiful dressage test. Stadium was a little sluggish and behind my leg, but not bad. Cross country had all the important hallmarks: up and down banks, ditch, jump to drop into water, plus just enough big jumps to feel like we got our money's worth. And it did challenge us. Izzy seemed surprised to see so many "questions" all in one place, and needed me to ride her forward.

cruisin through her first BN stadium - funny how much bigger the jumps look with a smaller horse haha

It worked out tho, and we won that event on the strength of our dressage (and despite it being a small local starter trial, there were still something like 8-9 riders in the division). It's the only event I've ever won.

Leading up to our second N, my guts were still a churning mess. I knew that we'd get an entirely different experience at Loch Moy than at Olde Hope. And being totally honest, I was way more nervous. Many sleepless nights.

And the day was tough for us. It was a briskly cold fall morning, with early ride times for Brita, followed by hours of sitting waiting for my own afternoon times. Isabel was cold backed and uncharacteristically tense in dressage, actually kicking out a few times in warm up.

Stadium fortunately found the mare feeling much better, but I still made plenty of mistakes attributable to my nerves-induced tight riding. We had 3 rails, and a few more close calls to boot.

Cross country tho.... Ahhhh, cross country. It was like a dream! Isabel felt amazing. Like she owned the world. Nothing was too big for her. She conquered the three stride in the woods, faced down our first ever trakehner, and soared over the final jump like a total and complete badass.

In a word, it was thrilling. It was everything I could possibly have hoped for the cross country run.

And even tho the day was not without plenty of problems and weaknesses, I honestly felt pretty good with it all. I felt like we really were ready for the level. Sure, there was more to learn. And more mistakes to make.

first BN!! and this brush fence scared the crap out of me. she didn't care tho <3

But I felt like we could do it. And was eager for our last two runs of the season - with entries already sent in for another shot at Olde Hope and then a season finisher at Loch Moy again.

If you've been reading for a while tho, you already know how this sad story ends. I broke my leg the day before Olde Hope in the world's stupidest trailer accident. So, poof. There went the plan.

The pain from the leg wasn't too bad honestly - it was not a complicated injury. But the disappointment of losing the end of my season was devastating. I was crushed.

This was my first year as a horse person where everything just felt so good. Where I was calling my shots and relying on myself and nobody else to make my dreams come true. Like all I had to do was set my mind to something, and do my homework, and we'd be able to do it. Hell, I was even scheming on making a pilgrimage to Aiken that winter!

It felt like all that got taken away from me in a flash. Felt like I lost it all before I'd even really gotten to enjoy it.

That might sound melodramatic and overly defeatist considering the injury's prognosis was basically just 12wks to being back to normal. But.... That's how I felt.

Whether it was self fulfilling prophecy, or whether I was actually prescient, who's to tell. Bc I do ultimately consider that the beginning of the end with Isabel.

she has the best tail ever, too

We got back to work well enough that winter. Things actually started out really really well for us, even tho the time out of the saddle had revived all those confidence issues I'm constantly trying to stamp out. But Isabel felt good.

Things didn't stay good tho. It started slowly, some bad misses, some earned refusals and some surprise stops. It didn't feel right. Something was off. And that feeling grew and grew and grew, until suddenly we couldn't get through a jump course without a crashing refusal.

We stuck to BN to start the new season but barely held it together at our first show, were eliminated at the second, then withdrew from the third. Even when I tried to rebuild positive mileage with some 2'6 jumper rounds, I ended up eating dirt repeatedly in front of a stunned and moderately appalled crowd.

I did everything in my power to try to break the cycle. All the physical and medical interventions I was permitted to pursue (including some I opted to do unilaterally, as unfortunately I was not granted as many permissions in this area as I wished...). Brainstorming with all my trusted coaches and peers. Isabel even got her first training ride.

It was too much, tho. Again I know this sounds melodramatic, but the spell was broken. I was tired and discouraged. Didn't want to keep pushing if we couldn't rule out anything physical, but also was wracked with guilt and self doubt that it was all my fault.

So we stepped back from training, even from riding in the arena. Just went out exclusively for trail rides, before those eventually dwindled to nothing as well.

looking anything but boring at her second BN

I will never, ever be able to fully quantify just how important Isabel was to me as a horse. She taught me so much. She gave me so much. Honestly she gave me everything she had for 3.5 years. But those last 6 months? Well, she just felt done. Like she was over it. Ready to not be a sport horse in training anymore. And ya know. Who can blame her?

I will be eternally grateful for the time I had with her tho. She's just.... wow, such an incredible mare. She and I were never best friends, she was never the type of horse I would have chosen for myself. But yet she was perfect for that time in my riding life.

And I like to think she enjoyed being a fancy sport horse too. She had been bred and carefully started by a horsewoman entrenched in the local scene here. A product of Ann McKay's storied Arab and Arab-cross breeding program. Then, sold as a 5yo, she spent the next few years passing from field to field, living life as a pasture pet and occasional trail riding speed demon.

Her owners during this period were drawn in by her beauty and spirit, but simultaneously intimidated by her presence and sensitive hot blood. So she languished doing nothing, tho learned to be a little devilish about it anyway haha.

finally proving herself as a novice xc machine

So when I got the lease on her in the most random and serendipitous circumstances, she was basically completely raw material. Well-started as a baby, but with a slightly feral air.

Her raw talent shone through tho. And after a year spent getting to know each other, we were finally able to begin making real progress. Thus I began my foray into eventing. Everything we learned, we learned together for the first time. Real dressage. Cross country.

Our first intro level event was her first just as it was mine. And by our ninth event, we were leaving the start box to run N. It felt incredible. For that, I'll always be grateful.

Rebuilding tho after that... Was challenging. I rode so many different horses that summer, desperately trying to cling on to that strong, capable feeling I had had with Isabel. Instead, tho, I felt threadbare and empty. Ended up painfully falling off a bunch more horses that summer, shattering whatever was left of my confidence.

Even when I finally settled on buying a thoroughbred 4 weeks off the track, I was crippled by self doubt. Was I trying to hide my inadequacies as a rider behind the shield of a green horse??

i swear she had wings

It's interesting tho. In some ways, there are parallels between Isabel's journey and Charlie's. Both were old enough to have reached a state of emotional maturity when I met them. And both had a foundation from which I could build.

Isabel's foundation was her early start by a breeder who was thoughtful and careful with her. And even tho that foundation had grown rusty over the years as a pasture pet, it was still there.

Likewise, Charlie's foundation was having already had one successful career. He raced for four years, the bulk of which was spent with a single group of owners and a trainer who loved and cared for him, and were thoughtful in his training.

He therefore knew how to have a job already. Knew that there were expectations of him; and understood to a certain degree the balance between work and reward (tho that balance has shifted much more in the direction of "reward" since he became mine lol!).

Charlie's been such a great horse to work with bc he has let me continue building on this foundation. Has agreed to learn the rules to a new game. And to jump through new hoops to get those rewards.

Plus it's so freakin easy for him. He's bred for sport, bred for pure raw athleticism. And he's giant, too. Basically, as far as I am concerned, any thoroughbred with a willing attitude can do Novice, it was just a matter of finding one who was the right fit for me.

forever the most special mare <3

And that's Charlie. He's so easy to trust, and so easy to believe in, that it didn't take long for me to set my sights on getting back to where I was when everything felt so good, before I broke my leg and before things fell apart with Isabel.

It might seem small to an outsider, inconsequential or arbitrary. Or whatever you want, honestly. It hardly matters, after all. Except to me? It means everything.

For me, returning to this level, low level tho it may be, and doing so with yet another horse I brought along myself - one so different from the first... For me, this has been my one steadfast objective since deciding to buy my first horse nearly 2 years ago.

And somehow it still feels like just the beginning. It feels like the story is starting fresh again. Like I can finally put some of my demons to rest, and step away from trying to rewrite or recreate the past. It's time to turn my attention wholly to the future and whatever may come. It feels good and I'm just so so excited <3

Charlie's 1st Novice: Cross Country!

Okie dokey. When last we saw our hero, he had just finished his stadium jumping survivalist-style and gotten hosed down again before heading into cross country warm up. The heat was intense, but luckily I was still feeling pretty ok.

charlie was cruisin this time out <3 pc GRC Photo

Tho, uh... somewhat hilariously I had not packed clothing appropriate for the weather, having planned on wearing long sleeves (again - I was expecting downpour conditions...).

Luckily the Loch Moy shop had a techy material white t-shirt for sale, and I kept my white pants on too instead of changing like normal bc... yea the idea of peeling off one sweaty layer just to pull on another was unthinkable. Plus the all-white outfit seemed most likely to reflect as much heat as possible. I'll just think about all that laundry some other time lol.....

feelin laid back in the warm up ring too! thanks Meredith for the pictures!!

Anyway, all that was left for us to do was squeak through a minimalist warm up then head to the start box.

Charlie trotted the BN hanging log thing kinda heinously, then came around and cantered the N coop fine enough. Not like, fantastic amazing or whatever. But. Good enough.

I kept an eye on the start box since at our last event we ended up circling it for a few minutes and Charlie became increasingly antsy. So this time I tried to measure it better such that we were cleared to start basically upon arriving at the box.

course meta data from my walk

The course ahead of us looked pretty reasonable imo. It had all hallmarks of novice cross country: ditches, banks, water and a combination. Plus plenty of full sized fences.

I think the jumps this course were bigger than when I last did the level with Isabel. But perhaps the technicality this time around was a little softer? I think the organizers set the course expecting rain too, honestly.

I used my altitude profile app during the course walk to measure the elevation profile and was pleased to see that it was basically entirely uphill. And the hill was about the same size as what we've been practicing in our conditioning rides lately. So I expected Charlie to be fit enough for it, but also expected it to help take the edge off if needed.

jump 1 was a simple log roll top

Charlie was the best he's ever been leaving the start box at this event. Just up and cantered away - no stickiness, no sourness. No pinned ears at being driven forward. Just.... picked up his canter and went! I mean, it helped that we were headed directly for the trailers, but I was pleased!

this is my "oh man, here we go again!" face. pc GRC

We still met jump 1 a little funny tho, and I immediately had this sinking feeling of dread like, I really did not want a repeat of our last cross country run....

hanging log for 2, so far 2 for 2 on jumps i did with isabel

I wanted the horse I had at Shawan Downs: taking leg and a purposefully forward ride to the fences, rather than any running flat and behind the leg. Bc again, with the heat there was no way either of us were gonna survive that kind of pulling match across ~1.6km uphill haha.

much better over jump 2!! pc GRC

Luckily tho, I put my leg on and saw my stride to fence 2, and Charlie met it nicely.

ditto the ark at 3

I knew fence three could be problematic tho bc the track made a little loop on itself here - turning away from the trailers and back the way we came. I expected Charlie to get fussy and behind my leg, and he happily obliged lol.

it wouldn't be an emma + charlie xc round without at least one #awkward jump right?? pc GRC

You can actually see the point in the helmet cam where he swung his brontosaurus neck up, with ears pinned, and looked back at me in the saddle like, "bring it on, lady!" Luckily tho the attitude was gone in a flash, and he kept on cantering to the jump.

He was still behind my leg tho so we still jumped it pretty badly, kinda crawling over it with Charlie getting a solid whack to his hind legs on the fence....

simple roll top going downhill away from the trailers

We had a little more of the same feeling to jump 4, a small fence that Charlie had no respect for and kinda just crawled over. After which I got a little more serious about "Forward Plz!" with a little backup with the crop behind my leg.

unassuming ditch that i believe was originally intended to have a combination, but the second jumps were unflagged

Apparently that was all the encouragement Charlie needed, bc as we turned the corner into a new field toward the small ditch, Charlie settled into a really fucking lovely gear. Hopped over the ditch directly out of stride without a glance and was easily maneuverable between some other fences on our track.

just cantering around like the handsomest horse in town <3. pc Austen Gage

Actually - you'll see them in the helmet cam, but I'm pretty sure those other jumps were originally intended to be B elements for the ditches. One of them definitely had to be N, too. Not sure why they didn't end up flagged on course, but maybe bc the organizers were worried conditions would get too nasty in the expected rain? In retrospect I wish I had paid more attention during my walk to see if I should have jumped one of them anyway, but oh well. Next time!

steep rise to the steeplechase jumps

In any case, Charlie felt great. We turned up to a small steep rise in the ground to a line of steeplechase jumps, and I reminded myself to just stay committed to the forward feel.

looked fine tho. which is funny bc at my second ever BN a near-identical jump scared the bejesus out of me...

Specifically, I reminded myself of the definition of steeplechase. Meaning: this is a fence that's designed to be jumped at speed. Inviting profile, forgiving brush. Just. Ya know. Have at it!

So.... We did haha. And Charlie jumped it beautifully!

maxed out N table was new to both of us

Same story to the table. Obviously this jump has a slightly more vertical face, but it's still asking for more ground cover vs more collection. I told myself to ride forward to it, to catch it out of a forward stride. And Charlie, bless his heart, had his head in the game and jumped it like the easiest thing in the world.

skinny-ish log table thingy

After that we had to weave through a few trees to meet this next jump - small in size, and also somewhat skinny. Didn't even realize it was on the narrower side during my walk haha.

"nbd tho" - charlie. pc Austen Gage

Just went cantering up to it like, "Hm, I guess it is skinny. Well, Emma, you better find the center!" Charlie didn't care tho, good boy!

slightly larger-than-expected up bank, certainly larger than the up bank izzy and i did here during our N...

Our intended track turned right immediately on landing to go up this bank, but I had other plans. Charlie's pretty honest to up banks, tho the non-committal feeling he gave me at Shawan Downs was still fresh enough that I opted to be conservative.

just in case, schooling the smaller bank izzy and i did in 2015. pc Austen Gage

On the left side of the above complex is a smaller bank, so we just looped around to jump that first so I could gauge Charlie's reaction and school if needed. He didn't even blink tho, so we circled around (somewhat awkwardly lol, Charlie's not used to circling so much on course!) and approached our flagged bank, which he also jumped easily out of stride.

he was also a star for the bigger bank, good boy! pc Austen Gage

This was the section where the jump judges had given us 20pts out of confusion. I should have hollered out "Schooling!" or something like that, but my overheated brain was operating on a single track at this point haha. Luckily tho I caught that error in enough time to lodge a formal inquiry and the penalty was lifted!

Bc yea, so long as you cross each of your flags in the correct direction and correct order, you can basically do whatever you want in between them - including other level-appropriate obstacles.

option for brush fence or corner. both seemed quite reasonable, tho the corner is slightly more technical maybe? idk, we did the corner

Anyway tho, like I said. Charlie felt great. So we just kept on going to the option fences dead ahead. I kinda wasn't really even sure which one to choose, honestly. The horse has jumped the BN version of both of them. And they're both pretttty similar in size.

charlie jumped it handily. pc Austen Gage

The corner was slightly more technical, except the way it was positioned maybe actually made it easier: stuck as it was directly between some tree trunks and another fence, the doors for a runout seemed firmly shut.

Regardless, tho, Charlie wasn't running out haha. He jumped it fan-fucking-tastically!

then it was redemption time at the boat lol

We came down to trot to dip our toes in the water on the way to our next jump, and actually I let Charlie walk in case he wanted a drink. He didn't tho, so we picked our canter back up and headed toward redemption at the boat.

The BN version of this jump was almost our undoing back in March, and I was determined to be better this time. Mission accomplished ;)

nice sized table going into the water, with a B element on the far side

We had another long cruise toward the second water, which I also intended to school. The idea being: Sure, Charlie could probably go immediately to the direct route and be fine. But. Eh. It's his first Novice and he's a thinking, learning horse. Every chance I can get to reinforce the game to him is worth taking.

a touch sticky over the table, but good. pc GRC

So we trotted across the water first before presenting to the A element of the fence (this schooling option I had actually already chatted with a jump judge about, so there was no confusion here). Charlie was still a little slow off the ground at the table, but gave it a clean effort.

a little sticky in the water too, but hey - look at me pushing the horse forward! pc GRC

I didn't really love how he felt through the water tho despite my clucking and urging, so I backed it up with another shoulder tap. Charlie got the message and maintained his momentum.

this looks a lot like what we schooled at Shawan Downs a couple weeks ago

The out jump was just another little log anyway, basically identical to the same question Charlie schooled at Shawan Downs. Only difference here was the banks were less steep and the line was longer - so there was less chance of us getting thrown off our line by a weird leap into the water.

easy log out, phew! pc GRC

Charlie was fine tho, obvi. If he can climb over that giant ark at jump 3, it would have taken an act of god to prevent him from getting over this small log lol! So he hopped over nbd. Lots of praise for being a good obedient boy through his first real grown up combination in competition!!

log table in the woods

We had an easy little cruise up a hill that looks exactly like the woods we do trot sets in, and then approached this jump, which Charlie's also seen the BN version. And wouldn't you know it, Charlie actually felt the least committed to this jump of anything on course - literally running sideways to the left actually trying to run out!

he had been too good already for me to let a stupid pilot error derail us! pc Austen Gage

He's not very subtle yet about that, tho, so I was able to try shutting that door early enough that even tho we met the jump very crookedly and at a weird angle, he still left the ground where he needed to and jumped it cleanly. Ok buddy, I'll take it.

and a log oxer in the woods

I was a little more assertive to the next jump - which meant a little less of that forward freedom I had been aiming for. So we got a deeper distance but nothing ugly. And the horse jumped it from the center. Yup, I'll take that too!

penultimate table thingy

Really all I needed to do was get the horse through the remaining two sets of flags and any serious pilot errors or penalties at this point felt downright unacceptable to me. No way, no how. We were finishing this thing, sir!

produce stand at the finish! izzy ate this fence for breakfast back in 2015, so charlie had big shoes to fill! 

So we loped over the penultimate fence, and then I saw a big stride to the final produce stand and gunned it haha. And Charlie soared, guys. Just flew over it! What a good boy!!

I pulled him up pretty quickly after crossing the lines and hopped off immediately. Trying to really instill in the horse that there's a distinct "end" to this type of activity and that it's replete with praise and rewards and an immediate shift of focus to his comfort.

you did it buddy!!!! <3 pc Austen Gage

He seemed just fine with that haha - standing like a statue while I fumbled with his flash strap and girth and stirrups in my woozy heat-addled state. Plus, from this vantage point we got to see Rachael coming in hot on my heels to cross the line too - having almost caught up to me while I was busy doing so much schooling on course lol.

so stupidly proud of him tho. pc Austen Gage

All in all, I was legitimately thrilled with Charlie's performance on course. This is the horse I know he can and will be: A good, honest, thinking horse who will let me ride him but can also be athletic enough to get us out of any tight or sticky spots.

full helmet cam video here!

I need to not get complacent with him tho and not take him for granted, bc the last thing I want him to learn is how to quit or say "no." He's still green and still 100% capable of making a mistake or exploring alternative options to jumping (like when he flirted with running out at 13). But if I'm present and proactive as a rider, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to keep him on the straight and narrow.

it all feels so much more exciting and fulfilling to share it with friends too <3 pc Austen Gage

This course was also night and day from our March run. Sure I was exhausted from the heat - but not really at all from the ride itself. Charlie wasn't at all strong or pulling (you can actually see my flopping curb rein at various points in the video!). He was game and balanced. I honestly think the bigger jumps might actually be easier for him. He pays more attention to them and uses his own eye and adjustability, rather than just flinging himself around.

bottles and cans, just clap yo hands ;)

So it feels good. Feels really good. This level will have plenty of challenges for us. But I think it's the right place for us, and I'm really really really excited to be working on it again, finally!